Dandelion

Deep metaphorical poem. Congratulations for the construction of symbols.

I love this poem a lot. The metaphor works perfectly, builds a beautiful imagery and you worded it nicely. I don't think there's any need for rhymes or different structure, as it flows well already. The lines read very lightly and kind of imitate a dandelion's seeds blowing away in the wind, which makes it even better.

Awesome work. I really enjoyed the way you were able to blend the life cycle of the dandelion into your poem. Made it come full circle and have a powerful second level of depth. Thank you. I will be sharing this to my friends :)

Well thought out, with the continuation of a complex analogy throughout. This is the kind of poem that prods at the subconscious, leaving symbols to be seen in dreams, to be differently interpreted depending on the state.

I feel like I can visualize you poem when I read it! It's very beautiful but at the same time, so tragic. I can appreciate how you arranged it because it's easy to read but it's deep and meaningful. Thanks for sharing!

I find it dark in a good way, that dandelion had to die so that new life could be created. And all that is decided by a force it could not comprehend.

I was skimming through my feed, but your first few lines were compelling enough for me to click to expand and read the whole poem. Agree with other comments that the metaphor was well-done—I like that it was clearly a metaphor, not obscure, like some puzzle to be figured out. The last stanza is deeply unsettling to me, which is probably exactly what you were going for. I know what it means for the dandelion seeds to return to the earth and lie in wait. What does that mean for a person? Are they committing suicide? If so, my only concern is the idea of promoting a subliminal message that suicide pays off in some fashion—that the soul of the aggrieved gets the last word and gets to “show” people—that is a dangerous message. But maybe that’s not exactly what you meant, and anyway, I can’t fault you for the way you’ve turned the idea into art. It is hardly fair to criticize the idea itself merely because I disagree with it, but just something to think about—is this an idea you want to be responsible for spreading? Because you did a good job of very powerfully communicating it.

So ... I know interpretation is a personal thing, but this reminds me of metaphors of young love.

I really like this, thanks for being brave enough to share.

I like this poem overall, it makes good use of imagery and metaphor. Some comments I would make:

1. I like the way that you play with your stanza structures for effect, such as placing the line "A weed among flowers" on its own, so as to make it stand out.
2. I think you may want to try experimenting with meter and rhythm. Poetry relies very heavily on the rhythmic use of language, and I think you could do interesting things by working with that a bit more.
3. I like the imagery of the poem; it's clear and consistent throughout, with just enough vaguely to leave room for interpretation.
4. The ending has some nice ambiguity to it; I like it very much.

Overall, this is a very nice poem! I look forward to seeing more from you in future!

I really enjoyed your use of understated imagery and symbolism in this piece; I'm a big proponent for the less-is-more approach and I think you employ it really effectively, here. The opening and closing stanzas in particular are stirring.

I had a difficult time with the lines "Was I not beautiful?/Were my petals not bright?". They seem like they don't belong where they're placed, or perhaps not at all. There's a kind of Shakespearianism about them that is off-putting. Sentimental might be a more fitting word to describe their effect, and I think you could get rid of them altogether.

This was a really refreshing read, I felt somewhat like I'd taken a bath after I was finished. Thank you for sharing.

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I love the flow and rhythm of this poem. Its light on the surface but carries a deeper undertone. I love the imagery. It resonates with me on an emotional level and I really feel like I can connect with what you've written and are expressing.

The weight of it all is astounding. They way I imagined it is that the dandelion died on to realize that what was wanted most of all was something it could never give, no matter how hard it tried or how much it wanted to. Sometimes, we stretch ourselves to give others what we hope to receive. Love, advice, company. Sometimes, what we give of ourselves, regardless of how exhausting or how much we pour into it, is deemed worthless or worth less to them than to us. Everyone experiences the world differently. Everyone has suffered their own pains. Don't grow in the garden of someone you can never satisfy. We live on a big world with plenty of open fields and billions who would enjoy northing more of your mere company.

this is really excellent imagery, and you used the extended metaphor so well. the most intriguing line in my opinion is the "whispering to me your dreams and desires," because first of all it strengthens the image lol, but second of all it really exemplifies how he's both under-valuing and over-valuing her, allowing her to stick out to him while mistreating her. interesting concept!

I reread this a few times today, and each time I liked it more and more. I really liked the imagery your poem evoked, and the feelings too. Great metaphor.

Hi, this is my first feedback in this subreddit so bear with me. As for your poem, I loved it. Read it 3 times and I’m sure I missed a couple hidden things here and there. Specifically, your utter weaponization of imagery is enthralling, it’s so simple yet so layered. I also love the title choice, as to me (maybe not your intention) the narrator isn’t necessarily a dandelion, just perceived that way. And the ability to have that distinction gives the poem an entirely different theme, equally as powerful. Really solid.

The title of your poem encompasses the whole piece perfectly. It is simple but effective for the audience. I also love how you shared your emotions from the point of view as the dandelion, and not just personified your feelings into the dandelion.

I really like it! But I think the first two lines may detract. Is this about a parent or a lover? If a lover, do they plant you or did they meet you? If a parent I understand, and presume it is about abandonment (?) If not a parent I prefer it without the first two lines, and I broke it up a bit and added punctuation to help with the rhythm (my interpretation of rhythm so may have missed that two.

A weed among flowers.

​

Was I not beautiful?

Were my petals not bright?

​

Slowly I changed,

hoping to please you.

​

You plucked me from the ground,

and blew away my seeds.

​

Whispering to me your dreams and desires.

You threw me to the ground as you left me behind.

​

Away from the flowers I laid in wait,

to return to the earth as I realized.

​

I could have never fulfilled your wish.

This was a fun read! The symbolism here points to the human investments we make and the validations, doubt, and anxieties that accompany them. It does well to capture even the theme of abandonment. It’s especially powerful in that it does this through a metaphor of a dandelion we might all be guilty of having lived at one point or another. Keep going with more like these!

Not unpleasant to read

but

lacking structure

and rhyme

Does disjointed lines

lacking punctuation

automatically

make a poem?