Memories of that picnic

This poem is very straightforward and I think that's its biggest strength. There is no beating around the bush here. I'm left wanting something more, however. The description of each action is very well done, and I know that you have written what eating this salad feels like--what the sensation conjures in the brain--but it seems to me that the language that is used is lacking emotion. It is said very matter-of-fact and that may very well be the tone you were going for, but I would love to see a little more of how the narrator felt when these things were happening. Was it uncomfortable? Was is an unwelcome experience? Is this something that happens regularly? Just some things to think about. This poem is very well done!

I really enjoyed reading this poem. There is an obvious cyclical element where the protagonist starts and ends with salads and experimenting. It frames the rest of the poem. I liked how the protagonist's voice is derisive of the man in the story and almost detached as if evaluating the experience. It paints a partial picture of the protagonist and the experience of being in your 20s. I also wonder if more emotion could have developed the protagonist's voice but it would maybe take away from the matter of fact tone. Great stuff!

Oh my God, I am absolutely in love with this. Also feeling pretty inspired - in the minutes after reading this, I’m already crafting a response that mirrors much of what you’re doing here. If I do come up with something, I’ll post it here and credit you because I am in awe. Your story-telling skill and pacing are excellent; I feel like I’m reading something from the third book of a gifted, well-established poet.

My only points of criticism would be the title, and the end. The title, because it feels sort of bland. I’d want to see it referencing being experimental, or the salad, or something more concrete than a picnic. And that’s sort of why I’m a little cold on the ending; for a punchy piece full of great lines, ‘I still like the salad but I think I am done experimenting’ does what it’s supposed to do functionally - it ends the piece - but it goes nowhere beyond that, and is clunky to read in contrast to the first few lines of the piece which are refined and measured beautifully. First, if you want to keep this sentence, I’d cut down its word length. Honestly I’d completely rework the ending, not just because it’s the least poetic part of the piece, but because I want to know how activism and vegetarianism the speaker experimented with are tied up in this picnic with this specific guy a bit more, if they are. Tying them back to this guy, especially at the end of the story, will wrap up the story in a nice and symmetric way by mirroring the beginning. Honestly, this criticism is long only because I really love this. Great job.