(not) empty

I enjoyed this. Using an everyday common image, an empty chair, to evoke the pain of losing a loved one by placing the empty chair in the context of a gap at a family gathering(s) was all too effective.

The pacing utilising the periods was also effective, slower at the bleaker start and faster at the (i felt) more accepting end (I took this to be a sense of moving on while still remembering/honouring the loss).

My one, hopefully constructive, criticisim is the line "Slathered in paint of emptiness". I felt this was reaching as a metaphor, particularly compared to the more direct imagery used in the rest of the poem. Maybe something along the lines of "A place replaced with emptiness" might flow more easily with the other short sharp images (A gap, a space, a place, the nothing)?

Ps. Was the use of six periods between lines 5 and 6 purposeful, when 5 periods were used before and after?

This one hurts to read, very well done. So spaced out, so empty, so sad. The short clauses separated by the distance between each line... you did an excellent job of capturing that feeling of vacancy that comes with a loved one that has passed on.

I’m subbed to OCPoetry, but I’ll be honest the only times I’ve commented is when I needed to post and needed 2 comments.

This is the first time that I come across something that makes me want to comment just because. To say how powerful this is. I felt those last two lines. I genuinely felt them. I’m not sure what kind of emotion they evoke, because they’re bittersweet but also hurt, but depressing more than anything.

Omg phenomenal! I really love the format and the way the first part reads. It really conveyed a sense of emptiness

The poem starts with a gap and procedes to use said gaps to enhance the structure of the poem. Subsequently altering the reading and meaning of the poem, this technique is brilliant and I applaud you for thinking of it. Especially because you change the size of the spaces throughout. The poem is simple, and I think there should be one more sad punch at the end. However the meaning is all too real and the conservative language enhances the emptiness imagery.

After I'll keep on there is a lack of rhyming which leaves the reader expecting something that doesn't come. The rhyming in the beginning of the poem set a standard, I think there should be some rhymes at the end. Suggestion, add a line and change the next line.

So you weren't in vain

And when I look up

I look not with shame

Because I believe

I would make the last line rhyme. Last 3 lines could be. However, this changes the tone of the poem. It is less solemn and more hopeful this way, but by saying we are not empty and you can see us it seems your message is leaning towards giving a comforting message to the deceased. In which case, unless you love repetition, you should not repeat are not empty.

You can see us

And we are not empty

You've left more than dust

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this is sad. actually felt sad while reading this.

I enjoyed this. The empty feeling of someone gone was nicely portrayed by the space you had in your format. And near the bottom it suggests that as time goes on, you feel a little less empty. But not completely whole.

When you say 'A place for a memory', at that point because the last few lines were about holidays and celebrations, I kind of forgot that the subject (the place) is the chair. I think this poem might benefit from reinforcing that subject throughout the middle part that the poem. For me that thread kind of got lost.

I do really like the imagery and how it evoked the feeling of loss, once I had read it a few times!

“We are not empty, we are not empty for you”

I lost my mom 7/11 and this was the general feeling of everyone that went to the lake with my siblings and I to scatter her ashes. The lake trip is annual and she was always the one that planned it. We sadly attempted to have fun despite everything.

You’ve used very few words to portray that hole inside after a loss very well and dude, I feel you.

Not to downplay your loss or make this a competition because it hurts no matter how prepared you think you are, but based on what you said, it sounds like you knew your loved one was leaving you well before they were gone. Be thankful that you at least knew to hug a little tighter and linger a little longer saying goodbye in the final weeks or days, assuming you got that opportunity. Mine died suddenly at only 52 and it makes me sad that I don’t know exactly when the last time I hugged her was.

This is a shitty critique but there’s not much I’ve got in terms of feedback. You captured it perfectly. Good job.

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