Tonight I will attempt to write the saddest lines

Wow. Just WOW.

This sounds eeringly similar to Pablo Neruda's Saddest Poem. In a very good way. Many different words, but very similar feeling. If that was your goal, you succeeded.

One thing that may need clarifying: who is "you" in this poem?

I really like how you use "Tonight I will attempt to write the saddest lines" five times.

Some grammar changes might be useful.

Example #1: change "good bye" to "goodbye". This one is so minor it doesn't really matter, but it's up to you.

Example #2: in this line: "Only until today, I could no longer,your number was unavailable." -- put an empty space between comma and 'your'

The poem is very heartfelt and I really enjoyed it.

This was a great read. Sad as fuck, but I have a weird love for sad poetry. My opinion is that this repeating line: Tonight I will attempt to write the saddest lines works very well, but I also feel like there is still room to make it a bit stronger, maybe by repeating it at the end of the poem, perhaps slightly altered. I hope this feedback is of help to you! Also, never stop writing. :)

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This is another beautiful one of yours. I love your style.

Thank you for the invitation to read :) May your lovely ink keeps flowing.

This is so beautiful, I really love this!

Very gripping. I love the tone and tense of this poem. Absolutely wonderful!

This is brilliant work. Hands down, brought tears to my crybaby eyes. I lost my grandma a week ago, this struck a chord for that reason. I don't have a lot to say about the form. I love the repetition and the use you make of silence, it really gives it a feeling of emptiness that I relate with. I felt this deeply somehow. My grandma wasn't a boomer, she's from the silent generation, and she was illiterate. She wasn't educated at all but she raised 5 kids and helped raise several grandchildren, myself included. When my parents left me behind to go ahead before we immigrated, i thought they wouldn't return (I was 3) and I thought my grandparents were all i had left. My grandma cared a lot but she was careless in that care, if that makes sense. I got lost a couple times because I'd play outside in the countryside and then when I was found I'd get a well-deserved whopping for vanishing. The wound of losing her is open, still, and I know that writing poems when you're brimming with feelings is the best approach to properly express them, but I just can't. Sorry for rambling, your poem really made me feel a lot of things.

I am aware that nitpicking is something people do here, and that's good, but I was educated by an experimentalist, friend of Charles Bernstein, who would absolutely not tell us anything about the form we chose, since that was personal. All she told us was to hear the silence and read the silence. I always read the poems out loud because poetry is meant to be read aloud and not muttered to yourself. She said that poetry is a lifetime commitment and that you have to find your own voice, your own poetics, by reading and experiencing things and lastly by writing and writing and writing. I'm not sure if this makes sense but I felt like saying it, since I found this ideology very useful. I sense that you've been writing for a while now because your technique isn't 'green' and the deliberate use of repetition is very effective as I'm sure you already know. I like the stream of consciousness bits, also, and you're skilled in writing the silence. Amazing work.

For I have now realized the treasure I might have lost

I remember your face when we met those times

in the train station, at your house,

when you last told me good bye.

I love these lines, the vague reminiscences of things past always work for me, and this is worded beautifully.

The repetition is solid. Only potential criticism I could muster is that perhaps the stanza that starts "When I still tried to text..." is a bit overlong and could be worked down a bit - repetition works best in short pieces, so as to not get tedious. Yours isn't (it's very good), but that particular stanza verges on being too long imo.

Of the stanza, the opening line, and these lines:

And I still feel the sorrow, like it was yesterday.

Yesterday when I could see you when we were still happy.

I hope to get the courage to tell him that I love him

For any day he can leave me, like you did that day.

feel strongest to me.

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I just stumbled upon this sub and boy am I glad. This is a beautiful piece. The melancholy of loss, abandonment, separation, loneliness, it just hits you in the face. Wonderful.

Very touching and full of emotion. It moved me.

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