This is like some Rupi Kaur styled stuff but way less ham-fisted and so actually good.

Thanks for the feedback! I see exactly what you mean about the third and fourth lines, I’ve always struggled with tenses for some reason. Cutting the third down to

> Repelling me wasn’t enough;

Makes it sound much better imo, 

As for the change of tone, that was intentional. It wasn’t meant to be forgiving as much as it was supposed to sound vulnerable. The narrators motives probably sound split, but that’s because they are. They’re heartbroken, and while they’re not afraid to confront the reality of the present, there’s always that little part of us that wishes things were different.

The initial metaphor is a strong choice. It immediately signals to the reader how we're supposed to feel about this person. Especially with a title like "Guarded", it's a pleasant little subversion of expectation.

The main point of confusion I have is over the third and fourth lines. *it wasn't enough to repel me* and *you had to chase me away* are in deep conflict with ea h other. It could work if the verb "was't" is changed to the future tense, in which the repeling hasn't already happened. Then you'd create tension, rather than conflict.
I would also like to know more about the narrator's main desire here. The choice to use a forgiving tone towards the other character is interesting to me, and I think the material history between them could be explored.

Thanks for the feedback! Being mistreated is definitely a big part of this poem; I wrote this while thinking of an ex that left abruptly.

I have written a few shorts, and what you said is pretty accurate. The message is vague, but it’s usually intentional to leave more space for reflection. At least, that’s how I think of it.

from my point of view this is a poem about feeling like you’ve not been treated the way you should’ve been. if that is not the case however i really don’t see the message. 

i’m not a massive fan of shorter poems, yes that’s definitely a personal preference, because of how difficult i think it can be to see the clear message in it.

> Maybe Cherished would make a better title, or something along those lines?

Yeah that title changes the reading for me completely! Glad I could help

Thanks for the feedback! I actually didn’t consider the maternal side of the duck metaphor when writing this, but I actually kind of like it there. It comes full circle at the end when I spoke about being cherished. I also agree with your comment about the title; I actually held off on sharing this one for that reason. Maybe Cherished would make a better title, or something along those lines?

I really love your last line! It created such a powerful bitersweet feeling for me, of an imbalanced relationship—with also a hint of wistfulness, thinking it could have been different—and maybe the speaker both coming to terms with how they were treated, while also working up the courage to say this for the first time.

The metaphor of the ducks gives me very maternal vibes. Which could represent the tenderness and care that this person gave in the relationship. But the title to me gave a different, less affectionate, impression. I suppose that's my interpretation of the word guarded carrying some coldness. An alternative to the maternal duck metaphor could be something like "like a dragon guarding its hoard" (the D&D player in me very much showing here)

Thanks for the feedback! I’m glad you enjoyed it. This poem came from an honest place, and being transparent always pays off when others can relate.

Nice Share.i get a lot of different feelings from this. This poem had me questioning the battle between the struggle the isolation and the secret. Every line hits me like a stone trying to be skipped over water but just sinks.Sits in with me how one persons Choices or lack of can determine the outcomes of so many other peoples decisions leaving people without a voice, I can relate to this a lot with relationships.gj & thanks

You protected your secrets


The way a mother duck defends her hatchlings.


It wasn’t enough to repel me;


You had to chase me away to keep them safe.


Maybe if you had kept me a secret,


You would’ve cherished me too.


[in the rotation](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/cvizzl/in_the_rotation/ey4l8v6/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app)


[Along For the Ride](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/cvg2bj/along_for_the_ride/ey3yhw7/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app)