oooo i’ll definitely keep that in mind, thank you lots x

There's an interesting tension here between a relationship seemingly forgotten to the world and the obvious regrets of the narrator. Even though the words were never said, by acknowledging them there is a conscious conjuring of memories that nobody else seems to care about. 

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In terms of feedback, I like how you used the memory of riding the bus to connect a longing for closeness; to me, though, the other memories are not as good because **the memory itself doesn't connect to an important aspect of the relationship**. For example:

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" sometimes i let someone drive me around, **so i can think of you again,**" does not connect well to the memory of the car. Maybe the car reminds you of journeys that you took, or reminds you of heated arguments, I don't know, but some degree of specificity here would show the importance of the memory in relation to the narrator's inability to let go. 

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Hope that was helpful, nice job!

yeah, it’s intentional that me and everyone around me has stopped remembering and thinking of me and this person.

and yes there’s supposed to be a ‘to’ in that line xx

Lovely poem that conveys how the world stops for one person but not for everyone else...

In the first few lines, is it intentional that the memories, the love and the people have forgotten your thoughts? 

Also, i think there's a "to" missing in "i like to think your lips"?

the poetry i wrote of you

has finally stopped hurting me

the memories i have

the love that wasn’t shared

the people that i told of you

have now all forgotten

all the thoughts that i had

and here are the words i never said

‘sometimes i take the bus, to remember what it felt like to sit next to you.

sometimes i let someone drive me around, so i can think of you again.

i like think of your lips, and the way i miss your kiss

and i like to think of your hair, and the way you tried to strike fear’




https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/cbp049/no_its_not_a_metaphor_i_just_wanted_to_apologize/ey5kvjh/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/cvsd0s/expectations/ey6d9w9/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app

it’s over now