I was a longtime lurker of JNMIL and I even posted once (my MIL is a pain in the ass sometimes but isn’t dangerous or anything). Then I focused on my due date subreddit while I was pregnant so I wasn’t really paying attention to that sub. When I went to check it again, the vibe seemed... different? And now I found this sub and there seems to have been drama that I missed. I am out of the loop. What happened?
Posted Dec 13, 2019, 3:57 PM UTC
The sub is a lot less forgiving than it was when I started. It is VERY regimented in what you can and can't post or say in comments. If another relative gets too much screen time, so to speak, your post gets thrown off. No more MILITW posts. No more mention of llamas. I know the llamas bothered a lot of people but I found it to be an in-joke, a way to blow off some steam and not take yourself so goddamn seriously. That your problems with your mother/in law might be smaller than you think. There was a healthy kind of self-deflation back then that's gone now.
So no. It isn't just you. The fakes didn't help. The content farmers didn't help. The mod-gates essentially blew apart a lot of what was left. All the people I remember reading a year ago are looooooong gone.
Yeah I was surprised by no more llama talk. It used to be such a fun, chill sub. So I was really wondering wtf happened.
To me that was a HUGE part of the support JNM had to offer. That was what attracted me there. It was the in jokes and the camaraderie and finding people who could laugh at the same stupid shit, because it gave me the feeling that one, these people got me and two, I could count on them to tell me when I was the JustNo. It reminded me a lot of the forums I used when I was a teenager and my dad was fucking up by the numbers on a daily basis.
MIL AND the Network have both lost that, and Talk never really had it in the first place.
You’ll get a perma bam for even mentioning llamas in that sub now.
That's not a mod policy. We don't ban people for it, they're just filtered and we ask people to remove it from the comment or post.
If you have any evidence that this has happened (to you or anyone else), please feel free to (or have them) send us a modmail and we can look into this for you. We've welcomed people to appeal bans from the prior mod team that they think were unfair, and it's also public policy now that people contact us about any concerns, whether bans or otherwise, in modmail.
People are always welcome to send any questions or concerns to modmail, whether it's about something they think is unfair, needs to change, or fake, or any other reasons, and are never negatively impacted for doing so.
On top of all the mod drama, there was a split and reorganization of the justno subs, and justnotalk is now your best bet for support/advice. Leaving justnomil to the ever growing entertainment audience. Justnomil has grown in subscribers to be pretty huge, and that's fueling a lot of the change in tone. Many people read it for their reality TV fix and the advice is sometimes what they'd want for the same - dramatic confrontations and escalations. This makes the fakes, which have always been around, even more worthwhile to do if you want to karma farm. And makes things even worse for people looking for help.
How long has it been since you were engaged? Before or after ModGate 2?
I last posted at 22 weeks pregnant and stopped shortly after. My kid is now a year old. I’ve no idea which ModGates happened when (had no idea that was even happening) but it’s been maybe a year and a half since I was engaged in the sub. I’m looking through the summary post linked above now to catch up.
Modgate 1 was around October 2018.
Modgate 2 was April 1, 2019.
The Divorce (splinter of JustNo subs) was July 2019.
Here's one "modgate" summary post: https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoTalk/comments/baaeuw/we_will_not_be_silenced_summary_post/
There were some previous upsurges of drama and mod/user conflict, and there have been some since. I think we're on Modgate 3.0 now, but I'm honestly not sure which bits of drama belong to which number. I've been in the community for 4+ years now under various alts and there's been a *ton* of different explosions over that period of time. Though frankly they seem to be accelerating in both frequency and scope. Size of the sub, I guess!
The one I've linked is the one responsible for the most changes in the various JustNo subs, though.
Thank you! I’m looking at the time stamps on this summary post and I think this is exactly what I missed. Catching up now.
Many many many many fake stories have been popping up. Abusive mods, permabans being thrown out if you post on any sub that could criticize them. Run of the mill drama.
I mean, I got that much, but was there any one event that catalyzed a lot of drama? Because I’m reading stuff about gaslighting mods and idek how any of that happened
I think a lot of people came out of the woodwork to this sub after TP OP (a poster who told ridiculously detailed stories about their mother even though they happened 20 years ago) got semi doxxed over a GPR post that led people to expose her history of karma farming across the internet (Babycenter and a personal blog) and the TOW OP came back fresh off her husband potentially being murdered and her MIL being a prime suspect, but she forgot basic details about her older posts - for example, how many kids she supposedly has or how basic law works when someone isn't formally charged with a crime - then she just went dark on some nonsense. The mods were very standoffish about both of these posters and their ambivalence either way pissed off a bunch of people. People who believe the OPs blame the mods for letting "brigaders", i.e. this sub, running them off. People from this sub blame the mods for letting obvious bullshit garner so much attention and detract from people who actually need support from the sub.
I do have to ask how long it has been since you have been active. There has been a series of largely dramatic events in the last year or so that has pushed a lot of people over to this group and to r/JustNoTalk. What has remained on JNMIL has been a lot of fakers karma-farming. It's gotten to the point where I can't keep track of the modgates.
- The Devil Dadi/VJS gate - one faker (VJS) got exposed, one faker (Devil Dadi) got called out and flounced, posters pointed out that they had been complaining for a while that the Devil Dadi stories were faked if you knew ANYTHING about the non-Western but not at all obscure culture involved and were racist, and had been blown off by the mods. Mods didn't handle it well (to put it mildly) and ended up shutting down Letters which was the main vent outlet. Talk and Truth came out of this IIRC. Mods responded by handing out a lot of temp/permabans to people involved and have since admitted that there is a watchlist.
- JNMIL Mod Split - between five and six months ago - there was a big falling out in the mod team, a number of people got booted, one who got the boot came to Talk/Truth and claimed that there was evidence of systemic abuse by the others. Spoiler: there wasn't that evidence. What was actually posted made everyone look bad.
- Letters reopen (early August) - Mods booted out of JNMIL re-open Letters and organize the JN groups "they" were owners/primary mods of into a new "Just No Network". Unfortunately they didn't learn any lessons about active listening, openness and transparancy in the meantime and seemed to be more interested in building themselves into Reddit supermods. They were "too busy/shortstaffed" to address concerns, but not to swing that banhammer.
In the meantime JNMIL mods crack down hard on certain types of comments, encouraging fakers to flourish and crowd out posts from people who actually need help. They've recently started actually deleting obvious fakes that get reported, but are happy to just let the "audience" think it's "evil brigaders"/outside forces. In other words they aren't transparent and are happy to have someone else take the popularity hit for their actions.
My one post there was when I was 22 weeks pregnant, and I stopped lurking shortly after that point. My daughter is now a year old. So it hasn’t been THAT long but looking at the summary post that someone else linked, it would seem that the year and a half that I was gone was the height of all these shenanigans. Am catching up now.
Yes, that is correct. It changed a lot in that time. Talk and Truth were created in April so I'm thinking that's when racism-gate occurred.
I got a major, super-healing, changed my life for the better insight in the comments in the fall of last year which is probably about the time you were last there, but it really went downhill after that. A lot of the comments now "go to 11" and seem more interested in wish fulfillment/revenge/creating conflict so they can continue to be entertained than actual support.