Sleep
Whitenoised
Cocooned together
Into
Panicked first morning light
It circles
In continuous movement
Inside you, and
Inside your private space
Drifting
Time passes
This is currently a work in progress.
Posted Sep 1, 2020, 3:59 PM UTC
42
Whitenoised
Cocooned together
Into
Panicked first morning light
It circles
In continuous movement
Inside you, and
Inside your private space
Drifting
Time passes
This is currently a work in progress.
Posted Sep 1, 2020, 3:59 PM UTC
Different phases of sleep, the cozy evening and night where you’re just restless and the morning after where everything‘s hectic and stressed, this is the vibe I get, I get the feeling something lacks this poem in the 7-8th lines, I think you should work on what you want to convey with these lines, because the “inside you” could be interpreted in a lot of ways, which could be taken as not communicating in my opinion, but if you did this on purpose there’s no stopping you.
Overall I liked this poem, has a nice yet weird flow (and structure) while reading in a great way, relatable and realistic, well done OP, keep writing.
Thanks you for the comments I have mixed feelings on the final few lines too I think I will work on them. Glad you enjoyed it.