Source
r/OCPoetry•
heyitsemmmma

september is sadder now

it was cruel of you to leave at all,

but it was crueler of you to leave in fall.

as the days waned and beckoned crisp weather,

i wished your scent still hugged your sweater.

i saw your face in plaid clad folk.

i saw your ghost in bon fire smoke.

there was no reprieve from my grief,

for i heard my heart break in each crumpled leaf.

you spoiled pumpkins and made apples smell rotten.

it's hard to think i once loved autumn.

but when the first snow fell last night,

it was half as cold and twice as bright.

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Posted Sep 6, 2020, 1:23 AM UTC

37456
mrsjayjmsn•

I’m so sorry for your loss. I also lost a very dear friend in September and this poem spoke to me on that deeply emotional level. My feelings are so similar to yours that you express here. This isn’t so much a critique as it is an attempt to connect, and I’m not using it to post my own poem, this just grabbed my attention and punched me in the chest. Well written, very emotional and it called to the same sounds in my own heart. Bravo

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

Thank you for this. Losing someone is so hard, especially when everything in this season is a reminder. But time heals all. Thanks again :)

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ntibbs58•

Very touching poem... you really capture the anguish that accompanies a major loss like death. I have gone through similar experiences and feel the grief expressed in the poem. I also greatly enjoyed your use of rhyme and near rhyme; very simple scheme for an oh-so complex subject to comprehend and eventually accept.

Well done!

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

Thank you! I was inspired by Mary Elizabeth Frye's poem Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep, and the set up is similar. I hope you are doing well. Death is one of the most difficult roads to travel. Best wishes and thanks again!!

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sarababy015•

Your poem has made me cry while I'm at work. I have a boyfriend who is suicidal and he sees no value in his life anymore. I am heartbroken because there is nothing I can do to help, besides love him and try to guide him to some hopeful options (that he doesn't believe will work). Now I'm left wondering if I should stay and deal with the heartache of potential loss, or leave and separate myself now.

Your poem just is every word I know I will face, regarless.

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

You are so strong, and I hope you the best. Thank you for this heartfelt comment.

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sarababy015•

Thank you also, and for your beautiful poem. I love it.

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Tony_the_Gray•

"I wished your scent still hugged your sweater" is such an awesome line because it reminds me of my late Grandma's coat that had hung in the closet for years and when I went to move it one day I was sad that it just smelt like a musty old closet and not my grandma. Also the ending to me is such a pick me up. How it was only half as cold as usual and twice as bright just gives me a cozy, very kinkaid esq picture in my head. Well done.

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

Thank you! I wanted to hint at the theme of time as a healer, and I'm glad you picked up on it in the last couple lines. This poem is also about my grandma. Maybe yours and mine met in heaven and now play bingo together :)

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Tony_the_Gray•

I think you're right! They are probably tearing it up somewhere up there :)

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

Thanks!

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peacesalaamz•

In love with this. It’s beautiful.

My only constructive feedback would be to get rid of the commas and period marks.

Keep writing. You’re really good!

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

Reading it through again, I think the punctuation disrupts the flow. I think I will keep the period in the third to last line to show the shift in the poem, but I might get rid of the rest. Thanks!!

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peacesalaamz•

That’s your call. However if you want to do that I would start it as the beginning of a new stanza.

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

That's a good idea, I'll think about it. Thanks for your feedback!!

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outloudandlaughing•

Beautiful. Beautiful imagery and the grief comes through without being overly cliched or sentimental.

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

Thank you!! Avoiding cliches was a conscious thought while writing this lol

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meriona98•

Dear, I genuinely cried reading your poem. Thanks for sharing it with us <3

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

Aw this is so sweet, thank you!!

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xXStarrySomethingXx•

Dang, I love this. The rhyme scheme is simple and satisfying, but then the emotion and imagery just put me over the top. I can't find anything wrong with it. Nice one, OP.

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

Thank you so much!! I'm glad you liked it!!

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alyaa01•

It is written in a simple way, yet it deals with the loss one feels after losing someone close to them in way that made me feel comforted, somehow. Great one.

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

Thanks!! I'm glad it brought you some comfort. Writing it comforted me :) Hope you are doing well!!

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yasnonibor•

I think this poem is about the loss of a loved one, but remembering their memory lives on inside you always. I noticed the use of lower case i through out and I think it symbolizes how the author is minimizing themselves some how...

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

Good insight :) thanks for the love!!

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

hehe thanks :)

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nyrkfifi•

This is incredible. You made me “feel”. I lost someone I love 2 years ago, and you summed up how I feel.

I’m so sorry for your loss. My grandma was my favorite person in the world. Ask your grandma to look for Gladys 😊

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

Oh I definitely will!! Thank you:)

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savvvydot•

hey this made me cry, fuck u. but also, amazing poem <3

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

thanks!!

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Random_36912•

I love the pain and emotion this shows in such a beautiful way. It shows how deeply something can affect everything around you. Even the smallest of things become a burden. I love your work here and I hope I can see more!

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

Thank you so much!! I appreciate it!!

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ocdman27•

This was genuinely fantastic. Each stanza had a punch of emotions stained on it. There is no empathetic person who could not feel the feelings you are conveying. I personally believe that poetry has the power to heal wounds. Getting your emotions out in words and on a physical sheet of paper or digital screen can begin a healing process. I hope this poem has done that for you. I can tell that this is a genuine poem from the organization and deliberate literal descriptions you were using. This is one of the better poems I have read in awhile. Please keep writing, whether it be for you or for someone else, you have talent, and if not talent then skill.

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

I keep rereading your comment because it's so sweet. Healing is definitely hard, but you are right that poetry can help. Thank you for your comment!!

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DigbyBrouge•

I really, really like this. Only constructive criticism I could give, is just subjective. The “apples smell rotten” line sorta broke me out of the reverie that you’re poem had me in. You paint a beautiful tapestry of my favorite season, and the beautiful ache of loss. Something about that line threw me a bit. I’m not sure why. But regardless... this feels like something I wrote when I was at my peak. I’m saving this. Thank you.

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

I see what you're saying with that line. I tried to capture the sorta anger stage of grief, but it might not have come off the right way. I will play around with it. Thanks for the kind words!!

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BlackYoshi1234•

So sad, so beautiful, you really did well with this one. I can truly feel the loss of my best friend in this.

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heyitsemmmmaOP•

I'm so sorry for your loss :( I'm glad this spoke to you, and hope all is well. Thanks for the comment!!

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Casual_Gangster•

Why did this poem have you recall the loss of your bestfriend? What was particularly sad and beautiful? More than that though, how does the poem convey these emotions?

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