You And I

Love your rhythm and formatting! The imagery is beautiful too :D great job

Haunt me anytime.

This is gorgeous because it is so very spare; skeletal one might almost say.

Love longing for flesh . Well written .

Coolio! What I thought it was describing was one's feelings for their ex. I think you capture that feeling beautifully, as for months after breaking up with my ex I still thought of her when I kissed someone or when I flirted with anyone.

There are but a few things I found a bit off, feel absolutely free to ignore any and every suggestion of mine. Syntax: do you want the first words of each line to be capitalized? In the line "You and I" the "You" is capitalized, but right below it the first word of the next line "exits" is not. Another syntax thing, you use punctuation only at the end. In my opinion--which is just that: an opinion--it is cleaner to either use or not use punctuation. Besides syntax, the only other suggestion I'd provide is, and I am stupid, but I can't decide if the "love" in this poem was a thing of the past or a thing that never existed. Maybe provide a line affirming one or the other.

Anyways, an awesome poem! May love be with you.

That's an interesting use of rhythm there. I should probably practise using short lines like that to see the result, but here it works just fine. When you go 'You/And I' it sounds a bit like a slow dance or waltz to me, I reckon it contributes to the intimate atmosphere of the poem and then it picks up with the longer lines. I think I should apologise because even though I try to add a bit of analysis, I think my critiques ultimately boil down to 'I dig it.' That being said, it's a beautiful poem.

It felt very natural pausing and going again, the flow of the poem worked out really well, it really emphasizes the sentiment you're trying to get across, same with your use of repetition such as with "only" on the second line of each stanza or the "You and I" or "In" you begin sentences with. I also like the effect the "maybe, never," has it makes it ambiguous and I particularly enjoy poems that are easily understood universally. Some critical feedback would be that I feel a little lost with what "Under the same moon But never on the same night" actually means but other than that the rest of the poem was really easy to take in for me.

I read this multiple of times now. It's so beautiful. It seems to me like it can be interpreted in different ways. I love the abstract aspect.

Dudeee, I'm no critique so I'll never comment anything even hinting that but what I will do is appreciate this piece of art.

Tbh, I think it's incredible how you encapsulated the feeling of a love that was never given a chance to start or a love you still wanted to come to life.

The silence in pauses, the space between afterthoughts and the what-ifs in hesitations is such an imagery of how pregnant life is of so many results had we just decided differently.

Instead of a glance, what if there was an introduction? Instead of split second touches, what if there were smiles exchanged? Truly we all are under the same moon but rarely experiencing the same night.

Maybe we could have been Although we never was But I promise we almost were I just wasn't strong enough

ps. Sorry for letting my mind ramble, just wanted to share how much your work has impressed me. Peace

Your talent lies in the ability to make your reader feel emotion. Seemingly simple yet surprisingly rare. Maybe I’m just emotional and a past relationship too fresh on my mind, but this one really got me. I love the repetition and rhythm. The stylization ties the whole poem in a little formatting bow. :)

I love this piece! The flow and the rhythm is absolutely on point, and the repetition is so powerful. I enjoyed that the verb changed with every stanza, but you kept the same format, and this definitely contributed to the melancholic tone that resonated throughout the poem. What a wonderful piece of art!

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The format is good, I like the theme you played into and how to sort of change it at the end

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I absolutely adore the imagery, thank you for this beautiful piece! No matter how many poems I read it never ceased to amaze me, how many stories can be told and how many minutes can be imagined with only a few words, that everyone has read before, but never in the same way.

Heyyo! Like your poem. The thought that, You and I, so short syllables, interesting rithmic, so less, yet so much is said.

You got the moment. And thanks for description about it.

I really like the power of the few words you use. The spacing as well gives a nice sense of sadness due to pauses. It really hits in the feels.

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This is so beautiful. It captures all the resignation in an unfinished love. I love the progression from live only/ love only/ exist only. You have a gift in capturing emotion.

Mic drop! Totally relatable. Short, but sweet. I totally feel the vibe of a relationship that barely exists and is hanging by a thread. Perfectly “spaced out”

Thank you so much!

Great depth and intensity. Moving and pure.... innocent, honest.