[1867] That's not a shooting star!

Hey folks! I took a writing prompt ('That's not a shooting star!') and ran with it. I've written the opening, sort of like a first chapter. All feedback is appreciated but in particular I'm looking to see if the writing is engaging, the pacing feels okay, and it's immersive in that you can picture what's happening as you're reading. Were the descriptions enough to build the story in your mind's eye? Does the story interest you? Along with any other thoughts you had while reading.

Thank you! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1z2v4L3JeoCbC0bv2itQYxOUpWoxPhVTp1yQuqREeF7M/edit?usp=sharing

Review bank: [2247] https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/khpacj/2247_the_mines_of_arom/ggn5wim/?context=3 [1414] https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/kf3jm2/1414_funeral/ggj74ef/?context=3

I used up the 1414 review above for my first post on this subreddit ([1271] https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/kh5o5p/1271_scene_practice/)

So, critique bank leftover after this post = [(1414 - 1271) + 2247 ] - 1867 = 523 words left