Bad Habits.
Well... I'm a compulsive liar.
My words? They started fire.
Set bridge ablaze, and through foggy haze,
I watched my mind rewire.
Posted Jan 19, 2021, 4:59 AM UTC
715
i really like your rhyme scheme, being almost like a limerick (AABBA) except the B rhymes are compressed to one line. i also liked the specific rhymes you used. you managed to rhyme “fire” with two words that weren’t “desire” or “higher”, so it was fun to read and i didn’t know what to expect!
2
So more like?:
I know I set our bridge ablaze.
And though I stand in smoky haze.
Hose in demand.
With extended hand.
You left me to my grave.
2
Only a glimpse
A cycle of death and rebirth
I claim the Phoenix
My flame is hot
I’m boiling the pot
Be carful not to fall out
I don’t not stir a fools game
3
How do you decipher truth?
Set ablaze inside the booth
Outside looks no different you
Set aside the part of who
No man dares adventure to
1
Truth is in the man symbols
There is no booth only fire
Me from the outside isn’t different
Part would be to lose my whole
Namaste
Fuck pills!
1
[deleted]
1
From the narrator’s perspective, this strikes me as what it’s like to be a pathological liar, to the point where you are lying to yourself, at least that’s what I took from the last line.
The piece flows well, and you do a good job at communicating a big idea in a few words. I think changing it to
‘Set the Bridge ablaze’ ‘Through the foggy haze’
Adding line breaks and ‘the’ makes it flow better in my minds ear, but that’s just me.
Thank you for sharing :)
1
we can not always do the right thing, we can however learn and try our best