Aw - thank you!! I'm glad my feedback could be valuable to you, and I'm really happy you agree with my points. And thank you for the gold(?) and tagging the mods, hahah.

Wow this is such a dense piece of feedback. DEF agree regarding the third stanza. Agree really with everything and I’m actually going to take this feedback stanza by stanza and work on  incorporating it. I’ve never received such thoughtful and analytical and constructive but also not mean feedback, you’ve walked a fine line.

I want to tag the mod but I don’t remember his name, but this should be featured on the top comments weekly workshop thing. 

Thank you thank you thank you for your feedback

Edit: u/dogtim is the person that does it. I’m not sure how it works, but love this comment so yeah.

Hi! I think this is a lovely little text. I immediately like the way your title complements the text without either interfering with it or even being necessary in order to catch the drift of what you're saying -- titling poems is super hard! And often when you go for a more "gimmicky" approach like you have, it ends up terrible. But this is good. I'd definitely add a full stop, making it "That'd be nice." because I think that both makes it look slightly more professional and has more of a fittingly ironic feel to it, but that's minor.

To me, what's important when you have such a neatly, consistently structured poem as you have here, with very short to-the-point lines, is showing that you can still actually be inventive and provide a full, varied sound despite the rigidity. Otherwise the text becomes dull and falls flat. I really like the first stanza from this perspective -- "To shed my skin" is a really lovely first line, honestly, and so neatly expresses where you're going while als

You've really thought this one through, beautifully written!

The title drew me in immediately and I enjoyed my time reading it. I like how simple and direct each sentence is. I don't know about the others, but I thought this was definitely 'nice' ;)

This is the feedback I needed thank you. 
Hurl heavy metal is lifting weights
Hitting the bag is boxing on a heavy bag 
Just getting fit in general was what I was trying to describe. I guess with the try some more prose was to do with adding another dimension to my writing (along the same line of self improvement). I wasn’t intending it to be a meta prom necessarily. 

Nevertheless, your feedback was very illuminating and I can tell that I should have been more clear about what is actually happening with the few words I’m using. I know it’s nothing special right now, which is why it’s here! 

I’m glad you find it cute tho haha
Thanks for your feedback again :)

It's a cute poem. 

" Hurl heavy metal".  


I don't know what means.

" And hit the bag. "

Doesn't this mean to go to bed? Which contradicts the previous lines.

"Shed my skin" is good but unoriginal but follows nicely into "to wake before noon"

Personally, I'm not a fan of the self-help line.

"And try some prose" would be better replaced with to "Write some poetry". This is because this poem is a self-reflection, and therefore, is kinda meta in a way. Also, since the lines are like promises or hopes. If the promise to write some poetry has been fulfilled, it gives an added dimension to the hopeful nature of the poem. 

Overall, it's cute but nothing special.

To shed my skin  
Wake before noon  
Hurl heavy metal  
And hit the bag.

To brush and floss  
Empty the ashtray  
Sit in the sun  
And breathe in.

To read the classics  
Study the greats  
Fix the guitar  
And try some prose.

To give up drugs  
Give into routine  
Feel the present  
And learn to live again.

———

Any and all feedback appreciated.

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/l2laef/desire/gk6lc2k/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3)  
[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/l2eun3/stop_loss/gk6nteu/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3)