the words bubble up in my throat
“don’t touch me there”
“don’t talk to me like that”
“no, no, no, stop.”
but i remember you said i was good when i was silent
so i swallow my noise
and it’s soft and bitter as it slips down my chest
and soon my heartbeat’s quicker
and that boy thinks that it’s for him
so he smirks at me and goes on
as my eyes glaze over i’m wondering
are you proud of me now?
Posted Mar 19, 2021, 2:45 PM UTC · edited
Short poems all have a place in my heart. Becasuse only a few words can be so powerful just like longer ones. A very strong poem well done.
And it’s soft and bitter as it slips down my chest
I love that like a seems like it feeling in feelings in your chest. very emotional
thank you so much for your thoughts!
this is really good. it made me feel a sinking feeling in my chest - such a deep meaning. i’m sorry you’ve felt like this.
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Your choice of descriptive words like "soft" and "bitter" really helped me feel your discomfort at swallowing your words. And the observation that your heart beat quikened and how the boy assumed it was because of him is clever, for me. I personally think how the words "slip down your chest' would be better if it was more internal. "Chest" to me feels external, and the nature of this poem, and holding things in, suggests to me that maybe if your word slipped internally then it would make more sense. But that's all I can really gripe at, I thought it was great :)
thank you so much for your thoughts! yeah in hindsight “chest” does seem a bit external.
Such a short poem but very powerful. Reminds me of one I’m working on - it’s so crazy how so many have gone through the same thing. “So I swallow my noise / and it’s soft and bitter as it slips down my chest” is my favorite line. I remember that feeling well, and you put it into words perfectly. The next few lines with your heartbeat quickening really bring a profound and complete ending to the story instead of leaving it open. Beautiful poem on a not so beautiful subject. Hope all is well with you.
thank you for your thoughts. it really is sad how many of us have gone through this and i’m sad that you know how swallowing noise feels like. i hope you never have to feel it again. take care :)