Stay In Control

whew, after settling into the rhythm, the italicized section (good job on taking advantage of the formatting options) was intense! i typically don’t like curse words in poetry, but your “fucking” and “shitty” helped convey, along with the removal of rhythm, how the speaker was spiraling. in a word, nice.

The way you begin every stanza with "stay in control" works to emphasize the circular nature of the protagonist's thoughts. It also serves as the constant background to which the natural ebb and flow of her will power is contrasted.

I don't know Ben or his jokes, but I assume they are not funny.

I do wonder, though, if the "I" of this poem could pick up a benign 'addiction' or a new hobby to distract herself. Maybe she could get hooked on playing Fifa 2021 online with strangers, or she could start taking some master naturalist courses at the nearest state park. You know.. fill her mind with a new obsession and something else to think about throughout the day, because our will power can't sustain constant labor throughout a whole day.

And we wonder why we "lose control" when this is how we have defined it for ourselves. Hyper vigilance against unwanted impulses cultivates chronic thought patterns upon the subject; what a great exposure to that rote and grindstone.

My assumption is that we did not wake up at 6a.m.

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This poem made me feel like I was in a movie about some average Joe doin the 9-5. You went pretty in depth and it seemed like it was an exact description of your life that many people can relate with. I don’t relate too much but I can picture how it feels to feel that way. Seems like a shitty time. But everything has its positives and negatives and I think the creation of this poem is the positive.

We are sieamese if you please, and we are sieamese when we don't please. I am not one to stop a fight that I have been egging on since I couldnt jump off that tank in the middle of the park when I was 9... Or some age of inconsequence. One is the answer I have but I see why it's better with all the words of a good life aty disposal. If people were as disposable as lust and drugs with the curtains drawn, ignore the 3 dots, I shit everywhere. You sound healthy. And that's all I have to say about that.. I lied, don't fight. I tried, I'm down to live a day longer. Not a troll.

Amazing! You were massively influenced by Fitter Happier though, right? Not a criticism, just a question.