Drunken Kisses

What an original, clever piece of poetry. I love how you brought back the food metaphor at the end with the ' buffet of sin' very clever.

Also I feel you have managed to say a lot with a few details which is also very good.

As a vegan I don't know if I agree with giving up your morales for a bit of sexy food fun though!!!

Tobacco, tequila and burger is my favourite flavour kiss. You capture the tiny bit of self disappointment and regret we all feel after reacting on impulse very well. The lines about David Lynch and alien conspiracies made me smile and think what a lucky (slightly inebriated) guy he was.

Woah, this is a strong poem. I loved the imagery and I felt like I was kissing a meat eater as a vegan as well lol. Great job. I especially liked the line “buffet of sin”. I feel like you captured the feeling of impulse and doing something you know you shouldn’t in a way. It paints the picture of longing for lust, even if the person who you’re interested in doesn’t perfectly align with who you are. Also, I liked how this poem felt choppy in a way, all of the lines were short and got straight to the point.

This poem is pretty and interesting! Walks the line between gross and romantic as well as anything I have read in a long time.

"Entangled in your saliva," is the most viscerally disgusting phrase I've read in a while. And I'm sure that was intentional but I almost stopped reading. Glad I didn't though because this was a good read. I particularly like the closing lines and the acknowledgement of one's own potential flaws/moral failings.

Strong stanzas, great theme, good story which you tell in totality rather than running from your central point as some poems have a tendency to do. Thank you for sharing.

Wow I really enjoyed this!

I think your strongest stanza is the second, just because it shifts the poem so dramatically. The first stanza leaves the reader with an icky feeling, but not much more. The second completely recontextualizes it - making it not less gross necessarily, but funny, which makes it more bearable. From there the rest of the poem unfolds smoothly and strongly - I loved it.

One question I had was the use of the word "entangled" in stanza one. I almost wonder if there would be a better word than entangled for describing those three things, but then entangled could also be a mild reference to what is going on between the narrator and the other person. If that reference was intended - bravo - I think it works. If not, and you don't like that interpretation, maybe it's worth editing (just because for me that word took me out of the flow of the poem as it made me pause and think for a second as to why it felt out of place).

This is beautiful ❤️ keep writing you have so much talent 🙂

i really enjoyed reading this. the way of writing is soooo chill, and then it hits you with really impactful lines! my instant fave was:

So I indulged in your buffet of sin.

ngl, i saw that coming, but it didn't really make much difference to me. it was impactful, more than the third ones, i believe.

looking forward for more poems from you!

Had a sexy night w a stranger and a couple relationships that reminds me of this. Feel targeted, but in a good way. Thanks for the read

Lmao I’m vegetarian and I immediately thought “ew burger” but then the poem mentions being vegetarian... kind of funny, haha

On a serious note, I really like this.

This was an absolute pleasure to read.

Like some of the other commenters, I have to highlight the power of the phrase “entangled / in your saliva.” When you’re writing about something as embodied as kissing, it can be hard to ground the text in something visceral enough for readers to really connect with what you’re speaking to, but you've more than manage the task! Add in the sensory details that you weave into the threads of the poem and the reader is hard pressed not to experience at least a bit of what you are writing about!

Aside from the vicerality, I have to say that my other favorite part of your poem is its ending. The reflective turn in the last segment where you leave us—yourself and your readers—wondering what the other person tasted on you left me hungry to read the poem that sought to answer yours with the reflections of your erstwhile partner. And in my estimation, any good poem that carves out space for another is doubly good.

Damn. This hits the spot. I really dig the formatting, you really give the right amount of space to the right lines. 'So I induldged in your buffet of sin' *chefs kiss*

Also, its kind of rare on this sub to have a poem understand itself so well. You cover so much context, dotting personality across each stanza without it coming across as an over share, or too personal. Such balance, so good.

'And I wondered what vices you could taste on me', is just the perfect, perfect ending.

Ahhhrg. I love it.

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Love the ending

I love this poem!!!!

While not a fan of the depictions at the start of this piece, they do remind of thoughts which have crossed my mind during a first kiss. A bit crass, but I am a dude, and just figured that’s a dude thought. I love the style, and the picture you paint of yourself, it may not seem self confident, but it’s earthy and real. And your final verse is a total knockout, a perfect ending to a great piece. Very well written.

This inspires me to abandon my uptight morals and have a little more indulgent fun ;).

The poem was witty and humerous and I couldn't stop smirking the entire time reading it. I like the short line length where at times you choose only one or two words per line. You don't waste your words; and each line packs a sweet punch. And the end stanza really sold it for me. It's sort of mysterious reflecting on the fact that there are hidden vices in you that might be discovered or...tasted rather.

I love the “so I indulged in your buffet of sin” line! I also like how you put yourself in their shoes at the end!

Great work ! Your poem evokes my senses . It makes me feel as I am there. You capture the moment beautifully and it is well written. Nice !