Chapters 1-4 of a book I've just finished. Feedback would be much appreciated

Chapter 1: "The Unheard"

The world around Eli hummed, a soft, steady pulse beneath the surface of his thoughts. It was the WeNet — the great mind network that tethered humanity to a collective consciousness. It was everywhere, every thought, every emotion, every decision, synchronized and shared in a harmonious rhythm. Everything felt... easy. Comfortable. Safe.

But comfortable didn't always mean real.

Eli stood at the edge of a high-rise balcony, staring down at the city below. It was a perfect day, a day like any other. The buildings shimmered with soft blue light, their smooth surfaces reflecting the eve

"I'm really depressed"

said the man from the city,

a fag in his hand,

and a nose full of powder.

A swig of his beer

and a notification

from someone; a stranger

who judged his appearance

and deemed him not right

so they left him through data.

Who voted to Leave

but would pine for Remain-ers

then beat himself up

when they all start to hate him.

​

"I'm feeling depressed"

said the girl to her sister,

who bought her first make up

and showed her the pages

and made her comparisons

hourly, daily,

and taught her to blog

through her monetised status.

A chip off the block

and a dopamine craving

that only gets satisfied

tweeting her favourites,

then worries when ear

After this I shall dye my hair pink.

I will learn how to belly dance,

and wear an orange suit out to breakfast,

a bowler hat to lunch,

and nothing at all to dinner.

​

After this I shall perform in the streets.

I will sleep with who I please,

when we please and how it pleases us.

I shall become beastly in my charges along the beach,

galloping towards the post office

for no other reason than to gallop.

​

After this I shall birdwatch.

I will stand in the pouring rain,

on the side of the road with strangers

and we will nod to each other

and ask why we are here?

and we shall each answer,

​

‘Why not?’

​

We are alive.

We are togethe

How does one word

make a grown man cry

in the garden for an hour?

​

One word...

that sours a Sunday dinner

with extended family,

lingering in the apple pie.

​

One word that makes

a grown girl cry with laughter,

dividing the hearts of people

you realise you never knew...

​

making you wonder if they too

see one word

when they see you.

​

Why is one word such a burden?

​

How can one word

have the soul purpose of

hurting a person?

​

Did they discuss and confer

with others and then spread the word

like some fucked up gospel?

​

How could you say it?

Do you mean it?

Tell me.

How does one word

make a grown man cry

in the garden for an hour?

​

One word...

that sours a Sunday dinner

with extended family,

lingering in the apple pie.

​

One word that makes

a grown girl cry with laughter,

dividing the hearts of people

you realise you never knew...

​

making you wonder if they too

see one word

when they see you.

​

Why is one word such a burden?

​

How can one word

have the soul purpose of

hurting a person?

​

Did they discuss and confer

with others and then spread the word

like some fucked up gospel?

​

How could you say it?

Do you mean it?

Tell me.

​

I drank all the milk today.

Guzzled the stuff, straight down the gullet.

I started to chunder, heaving on all fours with no shame.

Drinking and drinking, my skin started flushing.

My hands started to harden,

and my feet began to ‘klop’ against the kitchen tiles.

I drank more still,

now both mooing and shitting,

a tail slowly sprouting above my ever-growing arse.

My arms became patchy as I knocked back another carton

and when my fingers finally turned to hooves

and my new tits showed milk,

I sat on my arse

and I drank myself into oblivion.

​

1 [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/x7z6a9/c

(Verse 1)

You've made some paper change,

but you've never made or saved a mound.

And now you can hear that sound,

and the man's come around,

and he's found you out...

​

(Verse 2)

I guess it seems so far,

you've just been to every bar in town.

From The Kraken to The Crown

and it should really bring you down...

but you hate the ground.

​

(Verse 3)

Sure well you made mistakes.

Should have taken up that break.

Should have been on time, not late.

Oh, but now it's time to make a sound..

And to bare teeth at the hound.

​

(Chorus)

And say...

I've got nothing to hide from you.

I've got nothing to hide, no.

I've got nothing to hide from you.

I