Too hot, too bright, too sunny.

I really like the message this poem carries; the imagery referencing smiling, the sun, and the overall disgust feeling captured by the words “vomits”, “dry heave”, “nausea”, and “infects” is so well done. From the very metaphor of the sun vomiting yellow, I felt the emphasis upon that color of yellow and the sweetness you resist in these lines. But most of all, the last three lines carry such power as they reveal the blunt nature of your true feelings on the matter. Happiness is supposed to be a good thing, but with the dissonance of “I don’t like it” and “I don’t deserve it” following the “diagnosis”, it shows the innermost self in your poem. Nicely done.

I enjoy the idea of the suffocating nature of literal brightness when you are trapped by internal darkness especially with the use of metaphorical bright allegories sans the use of dark symbolism.

I adore "a killer wide smile that's overkill."

I think this poem subtly captures the terror of all the little smiley components of life that suck the soul out of you in a bad space.

Little criticism, I think the poem would be better without the use of some of the filler words, primarily "and". I definitely think the and could be removed from line 3.

Overall, great emotional work!

I loved this right from the get go! "The sun vomits yellow over me" is a killer line, it's such an agressive way to say "the sun shone over me" and it effectivley sets the tone of your poem. "Infects me with its sugary sweetness" is also great... overall I love the juxtoposition of happiness and disease. It's a pretty meloncholy poem. On one hand the reader feels glad the narrator is finally experiencing happiness. But on the other you feel frustrated/sad that the narrator is resisting this new feeling. That ending "I don't like it. I don't deserve it." cuts deep. There is definitely comfort in what's familiar, even when it's what's hurting us. Great piece. The title is kinda amusing too.

I am struck, more than anything else, by your twisting phrases and reversals.

Overwide smiles that are, themselves, overdone; sugary, self-shed tears; and uncured diagnoses. All of these reversals—along with the rest—leave me spinning in the best of ways as I read your poem. There’s a brutality to the severity of your images and the whiplash you put them (and us, your readers) through that cannot help but communicate the kind of vertigo that the image of the sun vomiting up yellow in the first line foists upon readers. And, to be clear, I think that this forcefulness is a strength in this poem, because it drives home the kind of inevitably that is hinted at (most clearly, in my estimation) in the third line. And this inevitability makes the last line all the more powerful, because it leaves the reader with a real sense of the un-asked-for.

Its so strange. I actively disliked this poem until the last two lines. The disdain for something so seemingly joyful literally pours off the page with your words, and it was quite uncomfortable to read, until you realise that is exactly the discomfort its supposed to be. Love it! Also it gives off real 'The Yellow Wallpaper' vibes with the whole sickly, sulphurous yellow feel, which is a big compliment

I wish I had the vocabulary to tell you how much I admire this poem. Like the other person said, you really captured the disgust by using the words 'vomit,' 'nausea,' etc. The last two lines really sealed it for me.

Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Macabre! I love it. So much like my own.