How to fend off JNMIL & (sometimes) JNMOM
So ladies and gents I have to thank you for your help again for the stroller debacle. She wanted all 3 of us (of course why would it NOT include her!) to put it together, nagged until we left “just in case there is something missing”. 👌🏼 I won the war, chose my battles. She was still huffy over not getting what she wanted, so she sat there while SO and I put it together in 10 min. I am sure she wanted us to act like children and beg for help haha. Anyway - to the point - 1- after it was done being assembled, she wanted to push it around the house, while doing that she said loudly “ohhh I am stealing you awayyy!” Like a baby was already in there. I have anxiety about anyone touching my little one while she is here, so that didn’t help. 2- we bought a frame to send pictures to her when LO finally arrives (we live a State away). Night before we left it was “I expect pictures every day.” 3- I don’t like the center of attention. She spent a lot on clothes and wanted us to open them, specifically me, and take pictures while that happened. I put the focus on my SO instead and said, “here babe, you should have some fun too!” She said “ you just have to make everything difficult.” I did tell her right there “yeah, well, I hate the center of attention and hate pictures being taken...so I guess that’s difficult.” 4- told me she is going “take a ride up” when my mom visits. After telling her I don’t know when things will be safe enough and we will wait until she has all her vaccinations first.” 5- again, night before we left: “so we should see you guys around Thanksgiving.”
I am just uber frustrated. I told this woman I don’t know when we are coming back (can it be never?). Also, like I said, I have this mama bear/protection thing happening already and I don’t want her to be passed around the dinner table like a football, on a holiday, in these crazy times. I already told SO that we aren’t staying there anymore, for many reasons, but my hill to die on is because his mother smokes...in every room of the house, including the enclosed front porch. Just another reason to keep her away. I have seen first hand the manipulation she instilled over the years with my SO, so I told him it will be the last time she will see her if I am given any hint of that happening with LO. Please give me advice with how to deal with visiting relatives who are also saying “you can’t keep that little girl away from us.” Can I push her out first?! Feeling overwhelmed, pushed around and that makes me want to protect her more and to dig my heels in. If you read this far, thank you. I have no one else to talk to about this honestly.
Posted Mar 25, 2021, 2:07 PM UTC
"Mil you sure are acting very entitled over a child who isn't yours and isn't even earth side yet. It sounds like you need space to work on your own issues that you have. I pray that you can overcome them for the sake of a healthy relationship with us and with kiddo.
You do not dictate my life. You do not demand us for holidays, you invite us. You will not make any more jokes about stealing my child. And you will stop pressuring me into things I am uncomfortable with. If you cannot handle these simple boundaries then you will not be around me or my child. Period. I refuse to let my child see poor behavior modeled by those who are supposed to love kiddo."
That last sentence got me teary-eyed. This is not what healthy love looks like- I did not improve on myself and “fixed” my issues for her to have them from someone else. All of this! Thank you, that’s what it’s about.