You ever get high and start a fire?

It’s not too hard
any idiot can use gasoline

the brisk air and
romantic effort of it all

the hard part is the coming down

your pyre has turned to ash
or maybe it always was

you could try to revive it
you could ask for help

but you’re out of gas and patience
and feeling in your toes

and you’re hungry

and maybe it shouldn’t be so hard
to keep this thing going anyway

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Posted Jul 10, 2021, 2:09 AM UTC

124
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1

Woah dude. It evokes an emotion. Like you are trying to do something but things gets worse and now are accustomed to the things worse. Hopelessness and pain.

1

Hi there u/Suitable-bones, this is a fantastic piece. Your imagery is vivid - this is probably my favorite line:

your pyre has turned to ash
or maybe it always was

the final lines really hit home. Makes the reader wonder what exactly the narrator has been trying so hard to sustain. There's a sense of sadness for this might've been, but not meant to be moment.

I would suggest incorporating more punctuation—unless the lack thereof is a direct representation of the narrator giving up. Just an example of something you Could do:

The hard part is the coming down.
Your pyre has turned to ash—
or Maybe it always was.

While I absolutely love this line:

the brisk air and
romantic effort of it all

it also feels like it needs something, like it's just kinda hanging there between 2 pretty solid statements. Maybe something like "The brisk air and searing heat, make a romantic combination." would solidify what you are saying a bit more. Just suggestions - overall I liked this one a lot!

1
Suitable-bonesOP•

Thank you for this thoughtful feedback and for reading!

1