Source
r/OCPoetry•
neumonia-pnina

trying to try

How little of you I had / Kintsugi

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I'm trying to try.

I'm trying to care,

but I'm just scraping by.

​

I run through the motions.

I keep myself fed.

I manage to drag myself

out of my bed.

​

My eyes are still open.

My spine is still straight.

I'll soon become better.

I just have to wait.

​

I know I can do it.

I'm healthy and strong.

I'm so goddamn tired

of playing along.

​

I put in the effort.

My schedule was tight.

SO HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN

I DID IT ALL RIGHT

Posted Jul 10, 2021, 3:23 AM UTC

2012
tim0777•

I really fuck with the frustration in this piece, especially as somebody who struggles with both mental health issues and a fear of failure.

Feels so frustrating after falling back into a hole and trying to pull yourself up, doing “everything right”, (i.e. going “through the motions”; keeping “[your]self fed”, getting “out of [your] bed”, working out - “healthy and strong”; and a ‘tight schedule’), only to fall back into the hole you’ve been working so hard to climb out of.

This spoke to my soul.

Well written and keen to see more.

3
fucked_bigly•

Speaks to the universal fear of failure. Poignant, and the ending evokes that certain bewildered anger all perfectionists know.

2
MySecretArmageddon•

The rhythm seemed a bit choppy. The third and fourth stanza it definitely improved, however was a bit off in the first two.

The rhyme scheme is consistent, the context is kept the same throughout which is nice, however there is one inconsistency which feels a little off. I guess the question is, what are you trying to improve? What are you trying to try?

2
neumonia-pninaOP•

I pronounce “schedule” as “ske-dul”. I don’t know if that’s a dialect difference or if there’s a correct way, I’ll check.

The meter seems alright to me. The use of monosyllabic words may have disturbed you a bit. There are also some catches in the rhythm- “I’m just scraping”, most noticeably, but I think that the only stanza with problems is the first.

The vagueness was the point, I guess. This poem is about a depressive period, and that’s a state of mind where it feels like you have to summon a ton of energy to do anything. I put in the lines “My eyes are still open/ my spine is still straight” because all I really wanted to do was droop over and maybe fall asleep, because being a functioning person took so much effort, so why bother trying... thereby, I was trying to try.

0
asearchforyou•

I pronounce “schedule” as “ske-dul”. I don’t know if that’s a dialect difference or if there’s a correct way, I’ll check.

Me, too. Two syllable word for me.

1
sadweegoldfish•

Sometimes it can feel as if putting in 100% of your effort still isn't good enough... and sometimes you know it's not. You can be self-aware about the fact that you can only try to care, only try to at least give something ago. And when you did and it doesn't work, failure can be crushing. That's how I interpreted it at least. Very relatable poem, I particularly enjoyed the very first verse, I think it flowed really nicely.

2
asearchforyou•

The title is all lowercase, but the poem has capitalization. In fact, the ending IS ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. I think that was an interesting choice.

All in all, I'm surprised this didn't get more attention/love here. It's sincere, interesting, and poignant as the push/pull of a young person's optimistic and resilient internal monologue erodes into despairing resignation. "I'll soon become better. / I Just have to wait." "I'm so goddamn tired of playing along."

The rhythm and rhyming were solid, too. Thanks for sharing, Neu!

2
neumonia-pninaOP•

Thanks for commenting, Search!

I’m not really sure why I put the title in lowercase, it probably would have worked with standard capitalization as well. I imagined it as a tired and pitiful state after the poem’s distraught conclusion, but that doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, since you’d read the title first.

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

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[deleted]•

Oof. This one hit me hard. This reminds me of when I developed bad anxiety a few years ago. I remember how often I would feel like I am doing everything I was supposed to be doing, but I just couldn't feel better, and sometimes I would get worse. Everything felt like so much effort. It was scary to be alone.

Love how this represents the frustrating struggle of dealing with mental illness. I feel like this can apply to a number of experiences with many mental illnesses, or even just someone going through a bad rut. Nice work!

2
tryingpoetry-Vee•

Damn, I feel this

2
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[deleted]•

[removed]

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