PEEL BACK THE SEA WITH MY MOON HANDS. Wow what a great line. This is a wonderful poem and whoever you're writing this about should be so lucky to have such words written about them. Especially the crisis in Cuba right now, this is poem would be so hard-hitting for some of my peers. Thank you for this. I'm not sure if I have any constructive feedback because I love it.


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I loved this line:  "so I'm sending this seed with forward wings / to a time with sturdy bedrock and less sadness in the air" because it has such hope for the future, but I can also see the contrast with the "saddness" about today, in not being with their person.  

There is so much juxtaposition here of hope and saddness which is beautiful in itself.  For example, the image of  being "trapped in a sunny room on a hilltop" which should be nice, but  it's followed by the other person "making movies somewhere / impossibly north of here" which anchors the reader in the reality that the author is experiencing a type of longing.

Lots of repitition of this theme, which makes it very clear.  Well done.

I'm going to send a seed into the future

a seed for me and you

right now you're out of my reach,

we're eating distance as the country yawns,

as my city lies in forced and jagged slumber.

&amp;#x200B;

I'm trapped in a sunny room on a hilltop

\- you're making movies somewhere

impossibly north of here.

I still want you and i want to know you more

so I'm sending this seed with forward wings

to a time with sturdy bedrock and less sadness in the air

so we can have our shot.

&amp;#x200B;

I'll move land and sky to do it

and if you disappear beneath the waves

I will peel back the sea with my moon hands

to find you amongst the phosphorescent creatures

that swarm around like motes of dust in my sunlit room,

and smile rays from my lips just to see your face.

&amp;#x200B;

\- Portocarrero

 

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/otpvru/lost_in_seattle/h6xmgr5?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3) | [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/otoewg/released/h6xncfn?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

Seed