Click

wind

wind

wind

click

the mechanism still works

but the camera is broken

I can go through the motions

play act as photographer

but if there were film within it's black plastic casing

it would remain blank

I don't know what's wrong

it just doen't work

the light doesn't take, the film doesn't burn

if I can't take a picture of you

then maybe I'm broken too

wind

wind

wind

click

1

2

Posted Jul 30, 2021, 4:46 PM UTC · edited

210
Spudkip•

Hello OP! This is wonderfully written. The metaphor captures the concept perfectly. You cannot force love and sometimes we might try, ending up, as you put it, play-acting as a photographer. I love this idea and I'm impressed with your execution. Brilliant poem. Also, props to you for using onomatopoeia in a poem -brownie points for sure.

I would love to see more! Keep writing

2

I like the simple scene and setting displayed through an action. The action is frustrating, making the situation awkward and succinct. Perfect for a poem!

The couplet before the last four lines drive them home as a true reveal. However, every time I saw the word "wind," I immediately thought of an outside breeze, not an action to activate a mechanism. Maybe an onomatopoeia for winding gears would put us in the place and time more strongly?

2
SomeAristocratOP•

do you think it'd be too pretentious if I spelt it "wynd" instead of "wind"?

2

A little. Maybe a word like "crank?"

2
CantTouchThis45•

Hey there, so I really like the way you began this poem, with this image, well more a sound. I at first interpreted the click click and the wind as a lighter being flicked and put out in the wind, but realised it was a camera when you introduced it. This wind part confused me a bit though, is the wind supposed to be you waving a polaroid image to dry it?

Anyway, aside from that opening part, you have a really interesting message. You're unable to take someone's photograph, and you don't know why. I interpreted this as maybe not being able to remember people. Is it some sort of memory loss problem?

I remember this indian movie ghazni where the main character has to take photos of all the people because he has short term memory loss and he does it with a polaroid. So maybe the inability to use his polaroid is sort of expressing how someone struggles with their ability to remember others. Very interesting.

Either way, loved the poem, you write well, and you've given me something to think about! Keep writing and creating!

2
SomeAristocratOP•

it's actually wind as in to wind a gear, pronounced like "wine-ed", so in this case winding the film of an old camera (which you had to do after each shot)

thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it :)

2
mulanscousin•

I really like this poem, OP! However, I'd suggest finding a synonym for "wind." At first, I read it as if you meant a gust of wind, so it could cause some confusion or misinterpretation? Great work.

2
mulanscousin•

I really like this poem, OP! However, I'd suggest finding a synonym for "wind." At first, I read it as if you meant a gust of wind, so it could cause some confusion or misinterpretation? Great work.

2
gynoidgearhead•

I'm going to go against the grain and say that I actually did read "wind" as the verb rather than the noun right away; but I used to have one of those blue plastic Klutz kit film cameras when I was little, which is probably an increasingly rare experience, so I was also immediately familiar. Take that however you will.

Personally, I read this as a metaphor for how depression basically destroys both your memory and your motivation, and makes even previously enjoyable hobbies feel pointless. Then again, I was immediately familiar with that too, so again, take that however you will.

2
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