Metal Body

Interesting concept, anthropomorphizing a garbage can. Throughout the poem there's a provocative contrast between the sing-songy form (good job on the consistent meter and rhyme scheme throughout) and the repellent imagery. To me, and I'm willing to believe this is completely intentional, it sort of feels like an inappropriately sentimental poem about child abuse, like someone wanted to memorialize A Child Called It but had a head full of nursery rhymes.

I say child abuse specifically because of the repeated line "I've got a metal body," which evokes nursery rhymes, along with the sing-songy quality throughout the poem and the final line "I hope, one day, I'm valued," which feels to me like a child's plaintive wish as recounted by an adult. The word "pathogens" may undercut that somewhat, but it's still the kind of tone I'm extracting from this poem. It's uncomfortable, but if that's what you were going for it's a success.

On the other hand, the italicized line "I can't stand feeling hollow" points toward a potential codependent-adult interpretation. If you wanted to emphasize that interpretation, I think you'd have to push back against the sing-songy quality: more enjambment, possibly longer lines.

Thank you for sharing your poem and I hope my thoughts are of some use to you.

Siam, why you do dis :'(

Honestly great work. I LOVE this rhyme scheme, and the meter is TIGHT. Amazing work. Don't know the exact name for it, but it seems to be almost iambic tetrameter, cutting off just before the 8th syllable.

This lends itself to the general resigned tone the speaker has in the context of the poem.

I think that the metaphor of a hollowed metal body is suitable as a parallel for use and abuse. Interestingly, you'd think the narrator would have lost faith and is completely dejected, but the last line deepens the thought behind this piece by establishing an elusive hope:

I hope, one day, I’m valued,
and filled with solid gold.

It makes complete sense that the narrator would be clinging onto this idea as a driving force, as they continue to search for something good, but it is exactly this that is the narrator's hamartia — if you will.

They are, by design in this case, hollow and empty. They must stop searching externally, and look for love within.

I think you communicated this really well without necessarily saying it, if I'm interpreting it somewhat correctly.

So glad to see you back and posting more often. Love your work :)

Reminds me of full metal alchemist. We all have gold inside us, some let it get covered in other alloys, some let it shine. Thank you for sharing.

This is so sad. Excellent flow.

I love when everyday items are animated and made sentient so I really enjoyed this.

Favorite line: and filled with solid gold.

this made me laugh (most likely unintentionally so), but it reminded me of poor recycling bins. some people have a habit of tossing whatever they like into them despite clear instructions stating otherwise. this may have a deeper meaning than that, but i'm too caught up in the mental image of sentient recycling bins expressing their disappointment to see it.

It's a great piece of art, I must say. Idk why but it was giving me a feeling of a girl standing alone in the crowd who was being continuously used by people for their own greed, and was always left alone, while she helped others wholeheartedly.

One mans trash is another's, treasure, right?

I find the apathy of the metal body juxtaposed with the emotion that seems to be running through the narrators mind to be very interesting. I feel like this poem represents being in a dissociative state and gives a feeling the narrator's trying to convince themselves they are okay taking everything that's given to them even if it's abusive. Clearly the narrator seems to be aware though as there's hopefulness at the end, as if they're not giving up just yet.

i really enjoyed this! i interpreted this as a metaphor for someone who so willing to give and give. Being used and there is nothing in return. being a litter basket for everyone's unwanted emotions from venting. There is honor in being there for others, but only fools wait for others to be there for them.

I recognize and empathize with the narrator.

<3

I found this poem and some of the comments inspirational. Now I want to go try making one similar, with a rhyme and rhythm and word pictures to convey layers of possible meanings. Beauty is in the one who sees beauty.

Kick ass!

damn. amazing job. this reminds me of an idea for a story i had earlier today about a trash can that brings all its contents to life and build a little society in the trash can after coming into contact with nuclear radiation. a bug that was originally discarded in a crumpled up paper towel then becomes their king. coke tabs work as a police force. lost pennies and scraps of paper notes run the city's banks. an old, broken action figure stands tall and enormous over the citizens, like a friendly kaiju that watches over the city. rations drop from the blinding light in the sky every day, and no one knows who or what is up there.

This reminds me of the song Fallen Leaves by Billy Talent for some reason. It's about drug addiction. The narrator here seems like a love addict or some other kind of addict trying to fill a void. I really like this, well done!

I agree trash cans should be held of some higher respect, but I don’t like the fact that humans have so much waste that they need bins and cans for it. That being said, this is a really good poem. It makes you 🤔

this is beautifully sad. The way it’s expressed is beautiful but the concept hurts my heart :( Great job though. I feel that many can relate to this.

Great idea! I especially like the ending, because I find it so relatable. I notice a rhyme scheme on every second line, which also works well.

The overall atmosphere is kind of dark though (I love dark poems); the poem expresses a feeling of being frail.

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I let their waste inside me.

I disregard the dangers.

...

there’s nothing I won’t swallow.

This poem seems to toy around with some erotic imagery, but then that motif isn't completely sold. It's like floated out there, but not delivered upon. We are left wanting money in the form of a tasteless, changeless periodic element.

But why metal body? Why not plastic? Why not sturdy? Is it to set up the gold conclusion? You could break the rhyme mold and insert, well, something else. Also, metal could be an emotion word instead. That might help situate the reader more quicky within the imagery that follows. Boring body, for instance. Humble could work as well. Simple is my final suggestion. Oh, and, I forgot. Sturdy.

I want to share my poem, u have a nice one too. I don’t want to be burden, I want to write now poems too.