Well, I had to wipe my Moms ass today for the first time. This is a woman who was the first in her family to go to college, worked her way through. She got her Masters Degree by going to night school when we were little. To see her reduced to this is killing me! Any hints or words of wisdom welcomed. I am her only caretaker at this point.
Posted Sep 12, 2021, 1:55 AM UTC
I’ve nothing to offer but to say you are doing incredibly well to do that, to be her carer, and I detect a subtle ability for a sense of humour. I think if you can do that you can do anything and the hard part will be to sustain yourself mentally throughout the time you are her carer.
She is still that accomplished mother you know but now it’s post an tragic car accident where she suffered irreversible brain damage. (That’s just how I would reframe it for myself)
Your mental health has to be front and centre so do whatever makes you feel refreshed when you can.
Reading other people’s struggles on this sub will make you feel like you’re walking a road with thousands of others. It’s a good place to be when you feel alittle alone.
🙏🏼💛🌼
Thank you! My Mom has a great sense of humor and it really does help her a lot. We are a very silly family. 😉
For what it's worth, my mom has lost a lot of her memory and ability to do things, but she's not lost her sense of humor. When she laughs at something silly I do or say, it's a reminder that she's still there and she's still mom, just different now. Hopefully your mom's sense of humor will still shine through.
Good luck. And remember that you need to take care of yourself as much as you take care of your mom.
That's the hard part. I need to take better care of myself.
That's probably true for a lot of us. Someone once asked if I'd treat a friend the way I treat myself, and I said "No! of course not!" and yeah, I should at least be as nice to myself as I would be to my friends.
Oh that’s wonderful I swear for me humour has truly mostly saved my sanity when my mother was first diagnosed.
Keep on being as silly as you can 🤡
Oof. The only thing I can offer is that it gets easier the more you do it. I know that's hardly solace, but maybe you can take heart knowing it'll get less weird?
Thanks! Yeah It's amazing what you can get used to isn't it?
We've hit this milestone too. When I'm lucky my grandmother doesn't object to me needing to help her with a baby wipe. Isn't not an every day thing for us, or not yet. When I'm not quite so lucky, she digs, gets filthy nails and tells me she can do it just fine by herself. Or get out. I'm usually the only caregiver. I'm the only that lives here and is around pretty much all the time.
That sounds rough. I'm so sorry.
Best I can say is don’t forget about your own mental health through this!!! Look at it as an honor to care for her. Keep strong!
Thank you
Thank you for doing the right thing and helping her to the best of your ability!!!
She is my Mommy! I still remember her at 30 years old. The hardest part is that she knows she has dementia.
My mom sounds similar. She was the ambitious one in her family with a Master's degree, but no one meeting her after her stroke would know that.
As a sole caretaker, your mom may become too much for you to handle on your own. You need to routinely make sure you are taken care of, too, since it may be the case that no one else will be in a position to do so. "Don't light yourself on fire to warm another person" is a great phrase that keeps coming up on this subreddit.
I'm sure she is proud to have such a dedicated kid, though. What makes this situation a little better for me is it gives an opportunity to reflect on my good health, and not to take my "youth" (middle-aged years, I guess) for granted.
We have someone come in to clean every couple weeks. Also they have really good health ins. Eventually I'll get more help. A walker is next. Mom isn't steady on her feet. Thank you everyone. I just joined this group yesterday and already have been helped with a big problem!
The more advanced the dementia, the less she’ll remember how to use a walker. Try one out now before you really need it.
We just got one! Good advise. Thank you!
You’re welcome! YT “How to use a walker correctly- Ask Dr Jo” shows do’s and don’ts of using a walker. Dementia patients often push the walker out in front with straight arms, bending way over and leaning toward the walker. It’s very unstable & there’s more chance of falling when they get off balance. There are also caregiver training videos on YT dealing w/assisting people with walkers, including setting the correct height, standing up from a chair, etc. Have fun practicing!
I feel you. Had to do the same last week for the first time (caretakers were managing this when needed but one cancelled and disaster struck). I took her to shower and used the attachment to wash all the poo off. She was petrified. I had to forget it all for the moment and just take care of it like a chore that need to be done. She remembered it for a few days which is very unusual. I am still a bit shaken and don't think I'll be able to manage this if it stars happening daily. Hate this wretched disease with a passion! Hang in there, we will get though this, there is no other option.
Thank you. I think they are getting close to a cure. Fingers crossed!
Would be amazing! Can you share any details?
I can't remember where I read it but if you Google it you should find it easily.
🙏
I'm sorry. It's very sad and rough emotionally. From a practical standpoint, consider a simple bidet attachment on the toilet. This saves me from a lot of wiping. You can get one from Amazon and hook it up yourself. (You need to operate it, not her.)
What a great idea!!!! Thank you!
Check into getting a heated one. You might have to hire an electrician to wire it (not sure).
Good idea. Mom complains that the wet wipes are too cold. Cold water would not work.
Microwave them for a short time.
We have a wipe warmer and hot/cold water bidet that’s manual (not a “smart” one) so no electrical is needed and you can share the hot water supply from the sink if the toilet is next to it.