Thanks for clearing my confusion, I shouldn't have expected the entire exposition to be crammed into one part, it would've been boring but this way you can hint at what's to come without breaking the flow of the story. I really have much to learn from you despite being the critiquer.

>This part she does on purpose, which I thought I was clear about, but maybe I need to revisit it. If the insurgent defenses are leveled in an instant, any remaining will abandon the walls and rush inside the prison, which is where Lancer is about to perform an ingress to secure the hostages.

Oh, I do understand, I might have glossed over that detail and I'd say it ties in really well with Archer's need to prioritize the safety of her team. I take back what I said about needing to flesh her out more, as far as I see this is a pretty good example of human nature, a sharp contrast to machines that prioritize their objectives over safety.

Then my only concern remains with the suspense or lack thereof. Thro

Hey, sorry for the delayed response, but thanks for the feedback on my work.

It seems, from your comments, that there are some disconnects with what goes on in my head and what makes it to the page, which is really good for me to hear and take some of these things to work on.

Some of the things you question I would answer earlier on given that this is just a selected chapter from somewhere in the middle, and this is more of an exposition of new concepts regarding the AI/Human relationship.  But these are all good questions and I should make sure to get them answered either here or sooner in the final work.  In answer to your question though, true AI can't exist outside of Attending a human, as it both exists as a containment mechanism, with their loyalty and positive outcome feedback bound to the personal successes of the host, and a way to keep humans relevant in modern society.  Like Archer pointed out, some people exist as an abstraction layer for their Attendant who does all of t

Great flow and as usual and the majority of my critiques are mainly centered on the story. Your style of writing and imagery works really well unfortunately it does cover a few minor plot holes. 

**PLOT**

>Some entered the program because they were already near enough mindless killing automatons from time as Enforcers, so becoming an unstoppable cybernetically enhanced assassin was a natural next step. Others, like her, saw it as the best way to make a difference in the world. But when joining the program they’d taken everything from her in an attempt to make her as near a machine with a weapon as law would allow.

What's stopping them from using AI-controlled machines as soldiers instead of mechanized humans? We already know from the latter paragraphs that 90% of the entire job is handled by the Attendants which are AI so why don't the authorities use machines instead of going through the trouble of turning humans into machines, the reason why they even use humans as a base is never

Hi all, submitting the second part of the chapter opening a few days ago.  Still the same chapter, so it basiaclly starts with a perspective shift on a line break.  If you didn't read the previous doc just know this in case it feels like a weird open.

That being said, give it a good rippin'.  I'm really interested in realistic dialogue, where I fail to spend enough time and flesh things out, and how well I describe action sequences.  Obviously, if other parts are terrible, let me know that too.

Previous submission for context: 

[https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qe1pdd/2187\_team\_jovian/](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qe1pdd/2187_team_jovian/)

Link to doc:

[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hgG7pMebuSWE7PUWVVBHhBx7VA\_NA-z-megPWevzsDk/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hgG7pMebuSWE7PUWVVBHhBx7VA_NA-z-megPWevzsDk/edit?usp=sharing)

Critique I submitted:

[https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qf6bxn/comment/hiclzp6/?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=web2x&amp;context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qf6bxn/comment/hiclzp6/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[1637] Team Jovian Part 2: Archer