Thank you for your critique but please be more thorough in what you are trying to point out. Your statements are pretty ambiguous so I don't have any idea what to correct. 

>Not that taking a life ever gets easy

This line was never supposed to be the hook, the last lines were. I am sorry for putting in such a cliched line and I will probably remove it. 

>By the 3rd paragraph we start running into White-Room syndrome. The only thing your reader can imagine at this point is a silver blade and now this shiny-crystal-comrade. You need not write a whole paragraph on setting, but there needs to be an attempt to set the stage.  
>  
>In the 4th paragraph we're doing water magic (interesting visuals) without a reason. There is a door the reader did not know about that needed to be opened. I would call this a conflict flaw

The stage hasn't been set yet, it only gets set once they enter the room. To be honest majority of the initial part is exposition with regards to the magic system which g

So prose-wise the piece is quite solid, nothing dazzling but nothing butchered either. My critique will mainly focus on structure. Starting with the hook:

> Not that taking a life ever gets easy.   

This hook does not work for me. You're setting up emotional stakes that I take no interest in. I do not know this character or who they are killing. Your only hope to retain readers from this first paragraph is... they find silver blades cool? I would re-address your hook and its stakes.     

The **2nd paragraph** follows the same flaw. Don't know, so I can't care. You have to imagine yourself hearing about a random person's memories, random being the keyword.   

By the **3rd paragraph** we start running into White-Room syndrome. The only thing your reader can imagine at this point is a silver blade and now this shiny-crystal-comrade. You need not write a whole paragraph on setting, but there needs to be an attempt to set the stage.    

In the **4th paragraph** we're doing water magic 

Thank you for your very thorough and well-thought-out critique. The line edits were absolutely helpful. And your tips on prose made me realize all the improper word use and the tons of filler words (my God there was a lot). But I really do wish you had analyzed the story just as much as you had done the prose. 

>The final sentence is confusing. The woman won't meet the fate of the cat? The cat's owner won't meet the fate of the impure? Ellord is promising that the woman won't meet her own fate? The woman will meet the fate of being asleep?? there is no indication the cat is dead, whatsoever, so this final sentence is terribly confusing. Sorry.

Firstly, Don't apologize. Secondly, Confusion was actually intended. Thirdly, But  I am quite surprised you didn't notice the cat's death, it was foreshadowed to the point of almost being explicitly stated. 

&#x200B;

1.  Ellord stood transfixed as he watched her eyes bleed a thin vermillion line down her face. (she's crying)
2. “I—I didn’t me

Lines:

>had no **evil intent** nor the **maliciousness** that it was supposed to hold.

* Evil intent and maliciousness are the same thing. That's like saying, "The waiter set upon the table **food** and **comestibles** for the patrons to enjoy." They're the same thing!

>as he struggled with his conscience on having to take the life of a non belligerent human.

* "Struggled with the decision to take a life" ? That sounds better.

>But Ellord’s resolve grew ~~a little stronger~~ with the confession of murder.

* Readers know what it means when resolve grows.

This character thought sounds out of place:

>*What was I thinking trying to endanger my companion in my foolish attempt to seek answers?* 

* It sounds so far in the past. Maybe he should say it in the present tense. *"What am I doing, endangering my companion in my foolish attempt to..."*

Lines:

>Suddenly, ~~within mere~~ feet away, she collapsed over, retching blood in every direction.  
>  
>Alaric gasped ~~visibly~~

You b

What's happening here is interesting, although the prose needs work. But as far as a prologue, it's good. What happens feels relevant and engaging and important. 

Don't delay characters' names unless doing so is *specifically* purposeful. Because if you delay a name too long, readers can think that the mention of the name is actually a different character. They might think the person twirling the stryx and Ellord are different, which is only made more confusing because there is in fact a companion character in the scene. You really should just begin with, "Deep breaths had always calmed Ellord down," because this immediately establishes the POV character and orients the reader.

 Line:

>**~~The unsettling feeling~~** had formed a ~~huge~~ knot in his stomach that ~~slowly~~ tightened with every passing second.

* Classic example when prose *shows, then tells.* The prose identifies an unsettling feeling, then proceeds to show it. Omit the first part; get right into the feeling. "*A kn

Thank you this was all I had wanted, elaboration. I really commend you for giving the explanation for your points which were earlier stated despite hurting you. Also, why hesitate to give all your critique at once? You really did a good job of analyzing and critiquing, so show it. I now have better clarity of what needs to be changed. Now I can say with confidence that your critique was helpful. I wouldn't say brutal honesty is a good trait of mine but what I hate more than anything is lying, undercutting anything I have to say, or sugarcoating the truth. Please bear with me, me asking whether if you've actually read what I posted especially when you critiqued it was wrong on my part. And I am glad you reached out to me with your concerns so I can address them. That was very gentlemanly of you. This might appear as if I am full of myself but would it be still possible for me to seek your opinion and even someday critique your work (without bias)? Looking forward to hearing from you. I 

As far as the passive writing, there were a lot of areas I spotted it. I didn’t comment in the doc for each one, but here are a couple examples -

>The unsettling feeling had formed

>their cries quenched by his blade.

 >A faint, sorrowful smile had spread across the face of the woman

...and lack of clarity -

>gripping his own stryx loosely with his hand drifting up and down its shaft

Gripping it and sliding up and down. It's hard to picture doing this stuff at the same time.

>Ellord’s resolve grew a little stronger with the confession of murder. He scanned the room to find the victim

Is Ellord scanning the room for a murder victim?

Anyway, yes. I read your story. All of it.

I apologize Mod for the inconvenience I may have caused but is discussing the story in detail with the critiquer against the rules if there is a mutual agreement? If so I will refrain from the following in the future. Thank you.

Rule 2 violation. Consider this a warning. Engage constructively, simply say "thank you," or say nothing at all. I'm glad this was able to resolve itself.

I'll start by responding to your questions. In fact, I'm doing this in reverse all the way, because your last question is odd.

>Ellord doesn't hesitate. He says, “It’s about time we find a cure for the impure instead of slaughtering them like Triqaz.”

This has no context so it seems sudden and like a random decision. Ellord comes across as unstable and I feel like that wasn't your aim since it's a random kindness. Why is it about time? Also, the dialogue here isn't exciting. This line feels generic and although it reveals some new info, it could do a lot more. Any single character jn any story could say this. There's nothing of substance in the way this new info is presented. 

The cat doesn't die, so no. But also, even if the cat died, there is no foreshadowing. The cat sleeps. It's what cats do. Maybe you could go into some detail about the cat dreaming of chasing its prey, and being pursued by its hunter? Is the cat's death important? Because if it isn't, I'm not sure it's a wise 

Thank you to all who have submitted their critiques in my earlier draft. I've implemented your suggestions and hope it reads better. Though don't let that stop you from sinking your teeth into it. :)

I have a few questions now as well. Please read them after the story. 

1. Does it maintain a balance of Show and Tell?
2. Does the imagery still hold?
3. &gt;!Is the cat's death foreshadowed correctly?!&lt;
4. &gt;!Do you feel that Ellord's hesitation is justified?!&lt;

My work:

[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yiSw-54-u8advPasSqFzjmba0sGa4SVTVyZgOlePfOI/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yiSw-54-u8advPasSqFzjmba0sGa4SVTVyZgOlePfOI/edit?usp=sharing)

My critiques:

 **\[1637\] Team Jovian Part 2: Archer:** [**https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qhh1mp/1637\_team\_jovian\_part\_2\_archer/**](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qhh1mp/1637_team_jovian_part_2_archer/)

 **\[2460\] Canis Lupus** 

[**https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qdzipx/2460\_canis\_lupus/hi3eisj/?context=3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qdzipx/2460_canis_lupus/hi3eisj/?context=3)

If anyone can do line edits it will really be helpful but it's not compulsory...Bon Appetite

[1039] Prologue EL