[2459] The Protected People of Earth - Chapter 3 Savages

This is Chapter 3 of Working Title "The Protected People of Earth"

Chapter 3 Savages

In critiques of 1 and 2 I was deservedly lambasted for nothing happening. In this chapter I had the audacity to actually have something happen. Huge appreciation for critiques on 1 and 2. I'm happily reworking.

Chapter 1 We meet Kyril, a gray alien who failed to present a case to his civilization's senate for humans on Earth to be classified as "people."

(Chapter 2 has very little to do with 3 but we meet Paul, an accounting student from Hawaii)

I get so much out of unprompted critiques that I hesitate to ask any specifics. So please, destroy whatever you don't like. But I guess one thing I'd like to know. What parts would you eliminate? (If you say "the whole thing" it will cut me to the core.)

Crits:

Monsters on Mars parts 5 and 6

Monsters on Mars Parts 9 and 10

(Vanity disclaimer: In case this seems familiar, this is a repost made with mods' blessing. No crits were harmed in the deletion of the original post.)