Teen Summer Romance™
oops, the sun
has come again to
spite me
spike me
riding hateful scents
bandanas
training bras
i should have known
all
last season
monkey bars
all
over my head
caching frisson
in the bushes
on the bed
before, or after
death—what
does it matter
who i kissed?
it's all
aesthetic now
autonomously packaged
in the aisle
i find
depression
lust
and wonder
how i came to this
Sup, this is pretty much the first poem I've ever written. It's a bit all over the place, but I did want to evoke a stream-of-consciousness vibe so let's call that intentional. Feedback greatly appreciated.
Posted Dec 23, 2021, 11:23 PM UTC
815
The part of how I came to this makes my wonder was it once different for you in the past? I don't know why and this is very personal but reading it I feel as this same poem changing some words could be a poem of happiness, of that power and strength that for most of us it's more common when we are young.
Are you less than 25 by any chance? If not I think you have that power I was talking about.
Hey thanks for reading, and taking the time to comment!
Here's a little description I wrote and had decided against posting, that somewhat addresses your comment:
To answer your question, yes, I am younger than 25, but it's certainly not often that I feel the power and strength of youth on my side. Maybe I'll feel differently looking back on now in ten years.
First of all sorry if it's difficult to understand what I'm about to write. English it's not my first language.
The things you are saying are the same that I felt when I read it. That's the reason of my comment. I felt that it was a poem of happiness, that may be the summer that you are mentioning, but described now from the opposite point of view (maybe because of your nostalgia).
Regarding your strength, you may not notice it but definitely there are things moving inside you. You are at least upset because you are not feeling like you would like. That's very different to being indifferent as a response.
You may know the following poem but I think it relates to this matter of being disturbed by feeling this way as oppose to not caring:
"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
Dylan Thomas.
Thank you, the highest praise a poet can receive.
There are definitely elements of happiness in this poem (I hope) -- the narrator is feeling a bunch of different things at once. I wouldn't necessarily say that it's opposite to happiness, more very mixed.
I never would have thought to compare being depressed about this kind of thing to not caring -- I'm interested in why that's such an important distinction to you?
I do know that poem, I never would have thought to apply it to myself though! I agree it captures very well what you are talking about.
As of the distinction you asked. I shared that poem because if I understand it well, Dylan was hurt because his father didn't care that he was dying, and his son wanted him to fight against it.
I compared this to what I wrote because I felt that in a way you are uncomfortable with that feeling and to me that says something.
I think that some people at one point give up and don't fight anymore, they are just indifferent to what they are dealing with (I myself sometimes feel this way, and I see the difference comparing to some years ago that I fought this with strong determination). It's odd because I'm better now that in that time, but at the same time I had a willpower that lately I'm not feeling. But I'm always in search of making my life better. And I see that in you too.
Sorry if I'm assuming too much, I'm just sharing my thoughts as a light conversation. I know that I don't know you and maybe what I'm saying doesn't have anything to do with you.