Last night I had a dream about you
Your face was clear as the morning dew
It was so nice to see your smile
I wish we could have just talked for awhile
Laugh, be silly, and true
Just like we always used to
I wish I had held our last hug longer
If I could do it again I would hold on stronger
Now no matter what it seems
That I'll only ever see your face in my dreams
Posted Dec 31, 2021, 8:26 PM UTC
this is great, the rhyming sounds consistent and the poem flows quite nicely. really like the meaning behind it since it puts that feeling of longing into words well, so good job :)
This really touched me, I’ve been dealing with something very similar to the situation on the poem, and you captured it really well. Thank you for this.
I've never even had any form of relationship and yet I felt touched by this poem, beautifully written and a simple but power messege at its core. A good reminder to savour the time with your loved ones, one day they may only be avaliable in your sleep.
Compliments: This poem made me feel like I missed someone, or longed for someone who was gone, as others have mentioned. The first time I read it, I pictured a lost lover, but the more I read it I realized it could be about anyone-- lover or not. The rhyming scheme was consistent throughout and made for a catchy read. Additionally, the poem was beautifully specific and general at the same time, making it applicable to readers in varying situations.
Potential Improvements: I think some parts of this poem were a bit cliche. That doesn't mean they were "bad," but I have heard a few of the metaphors/lines elsewhere before. I'm looking specifically at line 2: "Your face was clear as the morning dew" and line 10: "That I'll only ever see your face in my dreams". Of course the rhyming scheme makes things more difficult (which you could also abandon altogether if you wish), but I would try to become more specific in these places. What about their face was clear? The outlines of their nose and placements of their freckles? And about seeing them in your dreams, the speaker already mentioned that this was a dream twice before (in the title and in line 1), so I think it feels a bit redundant to end the poem on that, too. There were a few lines that could be shortened to make them a bit less wordy, i.e. removing the word "so" from line 3, "just" from line 4, "had" from line 7, etc. Also, line 5 could be broken up into stanzas to make each word stand out, instead of separating them by commas. These are only suggestions, of course, so you can disregard my entire comment :)
Lovely poem!
This just hits in a different level. The flow is so smooth and beautiful. Thanks for sharing!
Its nice to know there are people out here dealing with the same things you feel like you are the only one dealing with . thank you for this
Crying on the stall whilst reading this poem. I love how ambiguous it is too on if you lost a loved one or a romance.
<3
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This poem describes anyone we have lost if life that we wish could’ve stayed longer, for one more hug. Whether it be a lover, mother, or friend. I love the ambiguity in it.