Thanks you very much, and yea honestly I liked it better without punctuation but I always get feed back from people who want guidance on my work and I’m terrible with punctuation so… but yea I’m glad to hear this poem didn’t need it for you (at least not the commas) I’ll take those out and save em for another time:). also this is a good reminder for me to put more thought into my feedback as well so thanks for that too.

As soon as I skimmed *butt naked, ass hanging out* I realized I had to review this piece. It seems our narrator would like to appreciate the route but at least two exhibitionists have chosen to obstruct the shared natural space with their private quarters (my apologies for the unintended pun). The speaker makes a convincing case that the bay should be open to unrestricted public viewing.

*on this side of the bay*

*where I drive my car some days*

*\[...\]*

*in a circle around the bay,*

*blocking the sight for this guy*

*who drives by in his car some days*

I thoroughly enjoy the perspective reversal between the first and third stanzas. The reader is introduced to the narrator in the first person via I drive my car some days, which tends to effectively win the audience over. Then once the audience learns of the speaker's grievances, we're treated to the third person thru this guy who drives by in his car some days.

Changing points of view like this deepens the impact the poem make


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on this side of the bay

where I drive my car some days

I notice that they all love the view

enough to have a house built,

or to have bought a built house here.

And I can’t see past their damn chimney.

&amp;#x200B;

There they stand in their expansive window

holding a steaming cup

butt naked, ass hanging out

so that I might somehow catch a glimpse

at just the right angle as I drive past

they stand and watch the sun finish its descent

down below the horizon

&amp;#x200B;

And their house stands

holding hands with the neighbors’

in a circle around the bay,

blocking the sight for this guy

who drives by in his car some days

This guy who patches together a view

with the spaces between houses

where the sun shines through

&amp;#x200B;

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s1vruq/comment/hsbqohk/?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=web2x&amp;context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s1vruq/comment/hsbqohk/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s1w6p5/comment/hsbdobu/?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=web2x&amp;context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s1w6p5/comment/hsbdobu/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

Scenic Route