[1422] The Ten-Thousand Talents of Tom

This is concept chapter for a book idea I've been brooding over for some time: what if you could duplicate yourself, and your copy would be exactly as you were, such that anything you'd planned, thought, or imagined to that point would have essentially been shared perfectly between you and your clone. It was written in an hour, so the prose is pretty undeveloped. Feel free to tear it apart.

It's fiction, set in modern/near future time, with a 3rd person, single POV.

I have a few main questions:

• I kept the descriptions pretty lean, intentionally. Does this work, or should I flesh it out a bit more?
• Does the dialogue feel contrived, given what little you know at this point?
• Are the first couple paragraphs too confusing? They will read very strangely at first, and I'm not entirely sure if it works.
• Does the hook catch you? Would you want to keep reading?

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/13C4ClFt1L-MRvOkGIZpij_lKSSJ6X0PLvTgTVX7NLkM/edit?usp=sharing

Crits:

[1852]

https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qbfozr/1852_opening_to_a_sword_and_sorcery_novel/

[2294]

https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/s1lx9j/2294_fantasy_in_an_atypical_setting/hsh2n7b/