to be

the weight of hollowness,
the loudness of silence,
although oxymoronic,
are not in the slightest, ironic.

for by shining light on treasure,
you are only making it duller.
for by stroking your brush endlessly,
you will not strike a new colour.

there is comical cowardice,
in refusing to burn,
for we all have a laughable sense of self,
one that could fit an urn.

remember,
leading a life is not
to be confused with living,
touching,
is not the same as feeling,
looking,
is far from seeing;
I wonder,
in constantly becoming,
are we at all being?

———

  1. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s2ju36/on_letting_go/hsmz1hk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

  2. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s3thuf/breakfast/hsn0aml/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

Posted Jan 14, 2022, 3:41 PM UTC · edited

135
tim0777•

Very nice way to convey certain principles of eastern "zen" philosophies and how far western individualist egocentric societies are from these ideas. In a time when we constantly broadcast our manufactured "selves" to the world, it is so difficult to realise that we are just the same as everything else. No more important than an inanimate object — a wave in the endless ocean of the universe.

The reproach for a lack of simply "being", killing the ego that projects into the future and harps on the past, really begins shining through in these line:

for we all have a laughable sense of self,
one that could fit an urn.

It's true. The "self" we focus on our entire lives is but dust. It fits in an urn. It is our entire experience of existence and spend it negating the physical world around us for personal gratification and furthering our "selves" from the idea that we could, and will, fit in an urn.

I wonder,
in constantly becoming,
are we at all being?

Ending is also really powerful, touching again on the 'hustle', 'improvement', 'productivity' culture we live in, all focused on validating one's self of "self", not even realising that there isn't a "self" there to begin with

Wonderful stuff, please keep writing.

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

2
Masonh221•

Yo, I think this is good. There's no need for me to get technical or high-minded in any criticism or constructive feedback that I could offer. It is wonderful. I think those kinds of oxymorons that resonate with an eerie, almost mysterious unnerving truth are intriguing. like "the loudness of silence." The only suggestion i can give in good conscience is changing it to "one that coud fit in an urn". It hits with a different weight, a different feel put that way.

2
Loki12241224•

such an awesome insinuation of a higher power in my interoperation. i want to learn how to write about my lord in a respectful manor. i hope one day to bring such subtleties to the table in a similar way to how you described

2
ISumer•

Very nice work with the line "by stroking your brush endlessly, you will not strike a new colour". Immediately brings forth an image in the mind.

2
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