Okay, that helps a lot!

Meter and syllable count are elements of every rhyming poem. They vary between styles, sure - the Shakespearean sonnet is written in iambic pentameter, for example, but there are a few basic rules to give poems good rhythm, like “rhyming lines should have the same amount of syllables”, “emphasis patterns should be consistent throughout a poem” and the like.

Thank you for commenting, I’ll bear all of these in mind as I revise!

You talk a lot about "meter" and "syllable count", are you using s specific poetry style? I thought it was a sonnet, but the line count wasn't write. I'm a cowardly free verse boy, so I don't know what it's like to write under restrictions, other than with haikus, those are fun.

Anyway, when it comes to words like "enchanted" I'll be honest, my mind goes to Minecraft lol. If you want to reference sirens, I feel like you can say "siren" or add some threatening contradiction like "shark-toothed mermaids" ,but I don't know what kind of restrictions your working with, so I can't give specific advice. Basically, I'm saying if you want to use something specific, be specific. (Side note, for the "shark-toothed mermaids", I think like switching the order to "mermaids with shark teeth" would better capture the emotional order. Letting your guard down to then see shark teeth threatening you). 

Anyway again, when I reference past lines in my poems, I try to use similar phrasing if not a previou

Holy crap, thanks for such a detailed feedback! It really made my day. I appreciate the effort you put into interpreting this poem!

The poem is absolutely about the future. I wrote it with the intention of conveying my struggles with depression, with a metaphor for how getting through every day was akin to swimming from island to island. Constantly putting myself through misery, I guess, but at the end of each day there's refuge - that's the "shoreline".

> The word "enchanted" made me feel good by intuition.

Honestly, the word I wanted to use was "engulfed". First of all, the water pun (gulfs and all that), and I felt like it was a more accurate imagery. The ocean is not supposed to be a pleasant thing in this poem, and I wanted it to seem as though the narrator was forcing themself to "tomorrow". However, I decided not to use it for the syllable count (I could write "engulfèd" and go full Shakespearean, but maybe not the right tone lol) and ended up preferring the connotations of i

The first stanza make me think of a ragged castaway seeing water for the first time in days (ironic), and it looks like it's compared to thinking about the future. It feels both alluring and threatening because at anytime, the ocean can swallow you up and feed you to sharks, but waves sound nice. The "enchanted by the oceans somber stare" part makes me think the you know the future only brings pain, but there's a certain pleasure in observing its hardship from a distance. The word "enchanted" makes me feel good by intuition. I'm not going to lie, I had to look up what the word actually meant, though it felt vaguely magical. The next two lines make me compare paying too much attention to the future to drinking sea water. It's almost a punishment for the (in my mind) dehydrated castaways instinct. I compare it to how the instinctual fascination with the future can make you feel almost disgusted and how that disgust can affect everything you say "and let the words disperse upon the air". 

wow those first 4 lines really were wonderfully strung together, you absolutely managed to capture the feeling of sitting on the beach and watching infinitity.

the second stanza likewise was great, but specifically the last line really works - to me it felt like recognizing change, but not being sure if you would still recognize yourself. which fits awesomely into the overall motif of the changing ocean

very well done

Hi, I really liked your poem. I loved the imagery and how you brought us onto that beach, looking out at the sea, waiting for tomorrow. I also like how you conveyed your struggle and worries about the future and how you solidified this with a strong closing line.

My feedback would be that I think you could have maybe expanded on the letter. I don't know what you meant for it to be, but even just putting in 'our' instead of 'that', or you could put something like our secret love letter (as we already are picturing ourselves on the beech). Again, it depends on what direction you want to take but a hint of something would have been good.

The only other thing is the line "I know I never know what I should say." It kind of stumped me and every time I read your poem I had to reread the line, which distracts from the flow of the piece.  I think it is the combination of the three I's and the two knows which make the line jittery with alliteration. It is also due to the ambiguous nature of th


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[Song for Two Voices](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/r1mco5/comment/hlzss3s/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)  / [String Theory](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/r1o6z8/comment/hlzzanf/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

I struggled to the shoreline of tomorrow,

enchanted by the ocean's somber stare.

I drank the silence, sputtered out the sorrow,

and let the words disperse upon the air.

&amp;#x200B;

I bottled up that secret seaside letter,

I know I never know what I should say.

I hope that in the future I'll be better,

I hope I never live to see the day.

Shoreline of tomorrow