Misery Loves Inability

Hi Princess Peace, I enjoyed your poem. I particularly liked the imagery in the first stanza. The slicing arrows and the fruitless tree and the hole that cannot be gouged by fire. 'Tomorrow sitting at my desk' is another good piece of imagery. As I think of a file waiting in an office of a corporate job. Which is what tomorrow looks like for many of us.

For critique, I would say that firstly you could have done with cutting some of the words to increase the pacing and improve the impact and effect. For example the last line in the second stanza I think works better without the 'Could have'. There is also the 'with' of the line before it and in the line 'Gazing half blindly I might have to fall' I think you could have got one of the two qualifiers ie might or half.

Aside from that, I would say that it needs punctuation. As without it, I'm not sure where to take breaks and how the rhythm is intended. You used comma's within the lines, which helps, but I wasn't sure what breaks I should be taking between them. Without the punctuation, it's all a consistently fast pace, which I'm not sure works (I would also get out of breath if reading it), so I had to interpret the intended rhythm. I'm unsure if this was a stylistic choice, something you forgot to include, or whether you are unsure of punctuation use.

Regardless, there is a good soul to this poem, with solid imagery and emotion.

Tomorrow sits at my desk Glancing at me with disapproval

Is my favourite line of this poem. My impression is that this is about trying to be more present, and not ruminate on past or future? Looking at clouds that came yesterday is a really cool way of putting this too, i love that.

The passing of time unmercifully here is shown really effectively. That said I think some words aren't really needed.

"These days pass through me like arrows" would still work for me, or even "these days slice through me like arrows" - I'd suggest going through and seeing what you can trim while still letting a sentence make sense, and see what you think!

Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

I love short poems. My favorite kind, really showcases the creativity of the author. Your imagery rocks. I wrote something with a similar message and a different style, but not so ironically enough I also had metaphors of hanging by a tree, drowning, and falling. Check it out?