Hey, thanks for the critique!  
I know I have a lot to work on, and it really helps to get some specifics to focus on.

You have an intriguing premise, but I feel like the execution failed. I don’t feel like your explanation of the game and the team roles is too much or too little. Rather, it’s everything else that is lacking. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that your focus is on the wrong thing. As for a sense of energy, I’d say that you’re about halfway there. Clearly established in a fantasy setting? Not even a little. I couldn’t spot a single fantastic element

Note: I mention later on how the name, rebound, doesn’t fit the sport well at all. You specifically mention that a missed shot always leads to a turnover, which basically means theirs no rebounding, at least using the most common connotation of that word in a sports context.

Content

There’s an old saying that sports movies aren’t really about sports. There is no drama found in the game itself. The reader knows that the scrappy underdogs will upset their rivals. Just as they know the team will get the extra point they need, and the 

Hey, thanks for the critique.  
You make an interesting point about the POV, I might take another stab at this from a different angle.

There is enough here to be interesting, but that is about it. It is not interesting as is.

>I had to score another point. If I didn't, I was likely to have my ears chopped off.

I don't care about the Striker's ears. If the whole team was going to lose their ears if they lost, that might be better, as there is some sort of team mentality that would come with that, but knowing he has only been the striker for two weeks? I'm sure that his teammates probably don't even care. Does having ears in this sport even matter? I'm not sure. Maybe they had already taken his ears because he didn't listen and now its for his life?

>"The king says that if we do not win, then we have not listened to him. And if we don't listen, then why should we have ears?"

I like this line as a little quip, but what an odd hill to die on.

>A strong pole with no tip, will beat the sharpest tip without a pole every time.

I think this was all that needed to be said, pick it back up at:

>I adjusted the padding on m

Thanks for the critique! I'm glad you find the premise intriguing, I plan to keep writing about the premise, so hopefully my execution improves!

To echo everyone else’s thoughts, I really did find the premise of this piece intriguing. I basically kept reading because I wanted to find out exactly where the story was exactly set. That being said, I felt like the way you brought the elements of the sports team and a violent kingdom together kind of fell flat for me.

I’ll start with your questions and then expand from there :D

*This is a story about a fictional sport set in a renaissance fantasy setting.*

I was able to pick up on the fact that this was likely set during some past age due to the mention of the kind as well as the mention of cutting the striker’s ears off if he lost, but otherwise I had no idea what the setting of this piece was meant to be. I’m a bit more old school when it comes to fantasy settings. I love history and I love fantasy set in history. Better yet, I love epic/dark fantasy that reads like historical fiction. So take my opinion with a grain of salt since I know my tastes aren’t everyone’s, but I got n

Hey everyone, first time posting. Trying out some short stories after not writing for years.

Submission: [Striker](https://docs.google.com/document/d/16a3MkNUKU414Qbk2F9ZWzoCGU7yXb5VUuCzqEcwZIAc/edit?usp=sharing)

Critiques:

[[3554] Blackrange](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/suhswg/3554_blackrange_ch_5_excerpt/)  
[[1648] Mr.Dundas](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/svsv5k/1648_mr_dundas/)  
[[468] Morzan and the Farmer](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/t2s7fe/468_morzan_and_the_farmer_story_excerpt_how/)

I've provided some questions below, I would appreciate your thoughts on them. Please only read after you have finished the story.  
&gt;!This is a story about a fictional sport set in a renaissance fantasy setting.  
Am I over or under explaining the game?  
Do i convey a sense of energy you would expect to read in a story about sports?  
Is it clearly established in a fantasy setting?!&lt;

Thanks in advance!

[1027] Striker, Short Story