[2906] Spire of Youth

Greetings,

This is a standalone fanfic I wrote for the "Arcane Ascension" series by Andrew Rowe. I'm new to writing, starting only a couple months ago. That's just so you know my background, not because I want you to take it easy on me — by all means, tear it to shreds.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OFnDv1gxymzSeYUaFu21hsqFpynwaWWCLGXY6dEPkic/edit?usp=sharing

Some information that might be helpful before you dive in:

1. The world is set where most educated people acquire magic through "spires", magical towers which have rooms with various challenges in them. Most of the challenges either revolve around combat, puzzles, or agility, and the color of the door reflects the type of room its going to be.
2. The spires are ran by "visages" which are basically archangels
3. The characters featured in this story — Corin, Patrick, and Roland — were close childhood friends at the age they are in my fanfic (~11), but they grew apart before the events of the first book.
4. Magic users advance in discrete levels. Carnelian is one level below Sunstone which is two levels below Emerald.

This story depicts Corin, Patrick and Roland playing a game of make-believe spire.

Some questions for you:

1. Does the dialogue feel appropriate for the age of the characters (~11 years old)?
2. How is the pacing? Are there any parts that drag, or could be excised without hurting the story?

A comment on style: The author uses spaces before and after em dashes except for interrupting dialogue. I like that style and will be doing likewise.

Critiques:

[506] Tulip Boy

[2575] The Thorn King's Bride: Prologue - rewrite

[1483] Courage, part 3, Revised