Source
r/OCPoetry•
devastationation

snug death

Poem

the sky is grey

i am a rotting corpse in a cozy casket

my decaying palace represents my legacy

i’ve made a home to decompose

to fade away, smiling grossly as i do

pieces of me falling to the side, i can only watch as my body crumbles

i crave the release of the final shatter

this withering prison halts me from peace

in order to rest you must destroy something precious

fragility of the body proves to be a burden to a quest for stillness

the process of destruction is so simple

though the distress around you creates doubt

it’s raining

i look

with a final turn of my brittle body

the last use of my strength

i see fists pounding on the window

begging to get me outside

first second

Posted Mar 23, 2022, 4:03 PM UTC · edited

65
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1
el_poet47•

Being alive and depressed is as close as being dead as one can get. You did a great job at portraying depression. The sensation of detachment from your limps to the desperate urge of reaching the final grain and what could it all mean if one was no longer here. Oddly my favorite part is the end. It is the light at the end of the tunnel. That touch of hope. Very well done!

1
devastationationOP•

thank you for your kindness! this is much appreciated, i actually wasn’t sure about the end at first. that gave me a boost :)

1
PodcastPoet•

Beautiful! This poem captures both the darker aspects of death, the terror, but also the promise that it holds. I really like the turn in the last part where we are focusing on the mourners of the deceased. That is really well done especially the transition "though the distress around you creates doubt" It flowed really well and I there was nothing in the poem that I got hung up on or caused me to stumble.

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Well done! Looking forward to reading more.

1
devastationationOP•

thank you very much! hearing that it flowed nicely is incredibly reassuring. your feedback goes a long way!

2