Hello! I'm going to focus on three areas for this critique just to answer the specific question you asked. I think there are three main ways in which cause/effect is falling short of believability here. The first is prose, the second is subverting expectations, and the third is that the reactions themselves sometimes just strike me as unrealistic in a vacuum. 

PROSE

So we've got Eve slamming a door shut behind her, taking in her new surroundings, then running off down one of these tunnels. By the time she starts running, I feel like I should be able to connect with her state of mind, but I haven't yet. And I think the reason for that is mostly prose-related. We've got a lot of sentences in the first three paragraphs that contain phrases that don't do much to convey important information, further the tone, or most crucially, lend to the fast pace that this type of opening scene needs to land. 

> staring in disbelief at the unremarkable features of each

This phrase doesn't make much 

Okay, this is approved, but the critiques are bit sparse, so consider the critique bank now emptied. Please check out the stickied post for helpful links on critiquing.

GENERAL REMARKS


I read this as a self contained short story, as I think it could well work that way. The context to the events is explained in the text in such a way that it probably wouldn’t if this was the end to a longer work, and the same goes for the character dynamics. I want to mention the Black Mirror episode “Metalhead”, where we enter a dystopian world for a final “battle” between a robotic “dog” and the MC. That could too be the final episode of a long series portraying the world as it descends into chaos and climaxes with this scene. So, using that as an example, your story works as it is, in my opinion. It raises some interesting questions as well, like the problem of the evil/goodness of a god, but that is not further explored at the end of the scene. Overall, I enjoyed this story. I thought it moved along nicely and I appreciated some turns of phrases. It didn’t outstay its welcome and I thought the ending was fitting.


TITLE


As suitable as the title is, it’s boring

A few broad sentiments:

So what you got so far is pretty decent and can easily be worked with, it only requires some polishing for the most part I would like to believe. Mostly a few typos or general grammar and wording could be improved upon especially with the dialogue.   


Hook:  


At the very start there is a bit going on that isn't addressed and leaves the reader questioning, this is good. However immediately after in the next little paragraph not enough is really provided to establish the situation, while obviously you want to keep the reader invested you need to give some details for situations like these that might help them to figure out a general idea at the very least. For example you explained that there were 3 tunnels but not even a hint as to what these tunnels might look like, you might want to provide details of the tunnels but not explicitly say what the tunnels are so maybe if it were a mineshaft you could describe the sort of ambience a cave might have or if it's 

This is my first time critiquing so please excuse me if I overlook certain aspects. I left grammatical suggestions throughout the Google doc, and will focus on style/content/plot/etc. here. I also haven't read all of the other comments, so I may have mentioned things others already have.

**SENTENCE STRUCTURE**

First, the sentence structure the entire story had the same rhythm. Lots of commas and similar word count per sentence. I think certain parts could have been strengthened if you changed up the flow. It felt very predictable.

**SETTING**

I also felt like the setting was lacking in its design. I can sense a desire to be descriptive, but the only imagery offered is movement. The vibrations, being thrown in the air, bursting through a door, etc. I think it would be efficient and helpful to include more visual description, such as describing what the passageways look like. Is it dark in there? Is it a dirt tunnel, or a white one? Is this in a more futuristic/tech world, or an apoc

Tried writing a short story / ending to a longer story this time. 

I am mostly interested in seeing if the events occurring and reactions too them make sense.

Document:

[https://docs.google.com/document/d/10b3OJ3OJHN857Nc3XH-9ci9jPkwqwRvu0lGc\_GB9t90/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/10b3OJ3OJHN857Nc3XH-9ci9jPkwqwRvu0lGc_GB9t90/edit?usp=sharing)

Feedback:

\[2856 - 1000\] [https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/tvc8zy/2856\_lialoct\_parts\_710\_out\_of\_10/i39oagn/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/tvc8zy/2856_lialoct_parts_710_out_of_10/i39oagn/?context=3) 

\[636\] [https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/tzpv8n/636\_dont\_turn\_around/i40v91c/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/tzpv8n/636_dont_turn_around/i40v91c/?context=3)

[1392] The end