[1482] Hiraeth

Edit: I was accepted into the workshop! I'm removing the story link for now to encourage critting of other writer's work. Thank you so much to everyone who provided feedback. <3 <3 <3

I'm looking to submit a writing sample for acceptance into a writing workshop, so I would greatly appreciate any and all feedback. I'm limited to 1500 words, so I'm just submitting the beginning of a novel I'm in the middle of writing. Intention is that this can be read with zero context, so if things are confusing, I want to know.

Are there places where I could tighten up the prose? Do I have decent characterization? How is the pacing and worldbuilding? I cut it off before the end of the chapter because of the limited word count. Should I end it sooner? Any obvious spelling or grammatical mistakes? I worry that this snippet doesn't demonstrate enough mastery of prose or language. Are there places I could perhaps make it stronger? The title is a work in progress and subject to change.

Last, there is one paragraph where I use the word mystery twice, and for the life of me I can't figure out how to fix it, so suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.

Crit: [2385] [[636]] (https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/tzpv8n/636_dont_turn_around/i4mr288/)