Source
r/OCPoetry•
Tony_813

The Wild Heart

Poem

Like a horse in the plains, The wind in my hair. My heart runs free, California summer air.

In a single moment, My heartstrings fasten. Frozen by your gaze, Of love and compassion.

Absolute peace and bliss, A sense of euphoria. Forget my past, Let me shout “Gloria!”

You are mesmerizing, Stunning and beautiful. I am no longer free, I give you my soul.

This wild heart of mine, Like the crashing waves, Is locked and caged, Depleted for what it craves.

Love and affection, Hopelessly devoted. Components of this mask, Are deeply noted.

I adjust to you. You adjust to me. But you’re a calm river, While I’m a raging sea.

I need not be controlled, I need not be tamed. Make me feel guilty, I will not be shamed.

Allow me to breathe, Allow me to dance. Because this wild heart, Can’t take another chance.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/upkr33/the_diverging_heart/i8rij6z/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/upszhk/a_poem_i_wrote_about_the_song_clair_de_lune_for/i8rjluv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

Posted May 16, 2022, 1:26 AM UTC

209
irecursion1•

just a thought: there is an implied pun of "heart" with "Hart", which is a deer, you made me think of it because you referenced the horse (also because of the biblical book Song Of Songs, which uses nature as a metaphor for love)

I think that you probably meant to format it differently, if you add line breaks they will come up -- it seems like you meant each line, as it is, to be a stanza with four lines. You can separate stanzas in "Fancy pants editor mode". Reddit formatting is a pain, hope this helped.

I greatly enjoyed your poem, you make good use of rhyme scheme, and maintain focused while expanding your message with a smooth use of metaphors. I like that you combine different attitudes together, defiance with need, devotion with the "mask". I love the ambiguity, you capture it really well.

3
Tony_813OP•

Thank you so much for the feedback! I just learned what a “Hart” is today haha Yes, the original structure is in stanzas, but for some reason, it wouldn’t let me post it like that. I’ll keep that in mind next time, thanks again!

2
irecursion1•

You can still edit your post and format it the way you meant -- just click the three dots

1
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1
PrashThePro3•

truly impressive and beautifully expressed and written. The uniquely distinguished feeling of love has been portrayed wonderfully here. Just one suggestion, it was kinda like continuing sentences being broken midway. Probably every poet has their own format but this is kinda childish, the format.

1
Tony_813OP•

Thank you so much! Yea, I was trying to post it in stanza format, but it didn’t turn out in my favor. Thanks for the feedback though!

2
PrashThePro3•

ohh, well reddit has an issue, it takes double enter input as one enter so you'll have to press enter twice to get the line to the next line.

1
Ephemerror•

Love the themes of the nature imagery, and the great rhyme and structure makes for a very satisfying read, it's a good poem!

1
Rcstacey•

You write with precision, it's wonderful to see

1