**Prose:**
I like your simple, straightforward prose. There are times when it suddenly becomes much more intricate and verbose, and it’s a little jilting to read. “Elle pontificated about their family’s superior ability to discern differences between shades of color. The “glean specifics” line I mention above. It interrupts your flow because it’s so different from how your prose reads otherwise, at least to me.

I really like how you show different character emotions through simple movements or reactions. There are times where you seem to give up on that but you shouldn’t, I think it’s a strength in your writing. I’m sure there are times where that would be too unwieldy or repetitive, so you don’t have to do it every time, but you should choose those moments very intentionally to try and maximize the reactions you paint.

**Plot/Theme:**
I really like the setup of this story. You’ve chosen the conflict as something that otherwise appears nonsensical, and this is useful because it shift

**Opening/Hook**

I think the opening would be better starting with mom’s dialogue. That immediately sets up the conflict. I do like the cereal chewing for purposes of setting up the overall mood, but I think it can come a little later. Mom gives dialogue, main character pauses from chewing his cereal while dad and sister nod. I think it creates a better flow and is a better hook.

**Line Edits**

> Claude looked up, assuming his family expected some form of acknowledgment.

We’re in the character’s head, so you don’t need to tell us he assumes. Just assume it. “His family expected acknowledgment, so Claude looked up.”

> What do you guys think?

I think the story is more impactful with this removed. This difference of opinion doesn’t require agreement, really. So when his family responds poorly, it will make a stronger impact if their input wasn’t even asked for to begin with. It feels much more harsh and aggressive that way.

> and his mother looked pleased.

You do such a great job 

Absolutely! My apologies and thank you so much. I will have new criteria for anything else that I post.

We tend to avoid really using carry-over albeit I get in a lot of instances it makes sense. So in my mind the God of Ants got used up on the One and Cherry Pie covers Breakfast table drafts 1 and 2. Or in others, thank you for your critiques and post  For future posts please do new critiques. Make sense and sound fair?

# Overall Thoughts

Your story reminded me a lot of this [comic](https://i.redd.it/j00g70tq97o81.png).

The story reads as a satirization. Somewhere between *The Emperor's New Clothes* and a lampooning of intellectual attitudes in society.

# Line Comments
>Claude chewed his cereal slowly. 
>
>“I’d really say the sky is closest to cerulean blue,” his mother said. His father, distracted by the newspaper, nodded. His younger sister, Elle, bobbed as well.

After reading the first line all we know is Claude. When the quote starts on the next line, readers may assume that's Claude talking through a mouthful of cereal, until they hit the "mother said".

I'd ditch the first line about chewing, so there's no confusion about who's talking. After Elle bobs her head, Claude looks up and we learn who the *his* in *his mother, his father* is.

>Claude watched as his father ***started*** and lowered his newspaper.

Started what? Almost started talking?

You could also remove the "Claude watched as" 

I came away from this piece thinking of absurdist writing. The argument is so inconsequential and yet the family members are resolute in their opinions, it reminded me of political arguments nowadays. I wonder how allegorical you meant for this to be.

I think you can write a much better opening line than "Claude chewed his cereal slowly." For one, it's not a hook -- it doesn't hint at some mystery or conflict that compels me to keep reading. Additionally, the use of an adverb here dampens the writing. Show me how he chews -- is it like a dog crunching kibble or a moose chewing algae in a lake?

There are a lot of adverbs throughout the story. It's common writing advice in fiction to do away with adverbs. I don't adhere to that religiously but I think it is important to think about why you are using one in any given situation. Adverbs tell the reader how to interpret action instead of setting a scene for them. When Claude is angry, show us through his actions. It's more interesting as 

[The Breakfast Table, Draft Two](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uXpZkw_uW-K2zEBI4p4S67oWZFKewbosbfjlukquthU/edit?usp=sharing)

So here is the second draft of a short story that I posted approximately three weeks ago...very interested in hearing thoughts about the new ending!

I am not trying to write a conformist short or one with an Orwellian ending...Claude's last act is one of rebellion, but I am hoping that it is not too obvious. Any suggestions on improving this are greatly appreciated.

Other notes:

I am trying to portray Claude as "silently enduring" (rather than outwardly aggressive/prone to conflict), and I added a few lines throughout the narrative which hopefully communicate that. If this does not land, then I am more than open to clarifying this aspect of his personality in another way.

Crits:

[\[3510\] Cherry Pie](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/u53vbi/comment/i61fcij/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[\[762\] A God of Ants](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/tvcm9c/comment/i3msg1d/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

Grand total: 4272 words. Previously posted [\[411\] The One](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/tyheso/411_the_one/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3), and [\[1560\] The Breakfast Table](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/uf0a1g/1560_the_breakfast_table/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3), so that leaves 2301 words. Will leave more crits soon.

[1335] The Breakfast Table, Draft Two