thank you! the five souls was just a reference to the people i’ve hurt throughout my life. kind of like my death would give them closure.

i like the parallelism of the “when i die” and the rhyming scheme, it helps the tone - a eery yet unavoidable end - hit home.
the five souls line is powerful, but feels misplaced in its section that starts out on the topic of weather. 

overall it ended with a feeling of being more at peace with the concept of dying, and the mood shift ends it on a - almost satisfying - fear yet acceptance vibe. 
it made me feel something and it’s an awesome poem!!

I really enjoyed this one. Very clear and just wordy enough. I especially like the last line, "a beast only death cold tame." It's very biting, and a great way to close out the poem.

oh, the five souls are just the people i feel like i’ve hurt throughout my life.

Well I certainly enjoy the theme, as I understand it.  A soul that knows that it's a wild sinner, seeking redemption in the hereafter and knowing that it's passing should be a natural, happy affair.  However, I felt like the beat, established well in the first four lines, was jarred on the fifth.  I eventually appreciated the structure that "When I die..." provided it, although it took me a few readings.  I never understood the five souls in the garden, though.

This is a great poem I feel like it's looking on the positive side of death well also talking about a heavy topic. I also feel like it shows a lot of how you see yourself in it.

Excellent expression of a vision through poetry 

A stunning read

this is worthy of a tombstone and a funeral march.  Beautifully written and nice rhyme pattern.

Your writing style and rhythm are what initially drew me in, but the clever way you were able to convey a state of mind while also maintaining your overall story is what kept me reading. 

Very well done indeed!

    My friend you are living in the light 
    We all can see that from this poem
    Try not to shed no more tears here
    Those five souls have room to roam

    On the topic of your transgressions
    Your five souls tend their own gardens
    Throw_away_reddit brings the sun 
    Spreading love and forgiveness that pardons

    My friend your life is so bright 
    Thank you for opening up this day
    Bringing your wonders of written word 
    The mirror in me had this poem to say

I really like the concept of this poem. Embracing the fact that one day you will die and attempting to take control of the way your death will be received by those that know you. The last line was particularly potent and, I think, the perfect way to end this poem. I wasn’t sure what the five souls line meant until I read your response to another redditor that questioned it, but other than that you managed to paint a very clear picture that captured the bittersweet feeling associated with life ending.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

wowww masterpiece !!! Truly you've just expressed how genuine, down to earth, gentle and noble a person can be, when he reaches a stage of serenity and near to death. Upon realising the subtle secrets of life and death, one just wishes for one's own loved and those who cared for them. The selflessness, the loyalty, the neglect of royalty, and most importantly, the politeness, all been beautifully dwelled and blended with each other in a way to form a state-of-the-art poem.

five souls was just a metaphor for the people i’ve hurt throughout my life. it kind of meant that my death would give them closure. the beast also just meant that i’m a sinner (which is explained in my other poetry). thanks for reading!

Dark and deep, definitely draws in the reader. Some things I thought were confusing...the 5 souls? I also wish there was maybe a metaphor that lets the reader guess at what makes the writer a "beast". Nice work!

Very honest. Not seen often in the new age, people are too prideful to call themselves sinners, but that you could gave you the ability to create that last line, that while individually may not be the most unique, is a powerful line in conjunction with the rest of the poem, which is very unique. Very strong, too, something I relate to very well, and something that I feel in my heart that speaks to Truth. Thank you.

Harrowing yet beautiful. I love the duality of surrender and liberation that this inspires. Hopefully we can all learn to embrace our imminent demise with such grace.

I loved the five souls line, it instantly made me wonder about what you meant without leaving me feeling confused. Something I think it really hard to accomplish in short poems. I also saw below that you commented you meaning behind it, which was in itself really beautiful and oddly relatable. I'm sure the people I have hurt will be one of my last thoughts in life.

yeah, i can’t make the lines any more spaced out for some reason

I personally love poems about death. I feel I got lost at times because there aren't clear divides in the lines.

I like to think about death in a process of moving to a different dimension and this poem spoke to me as such. I enjoyed the images you gave me. I personally hope when it’s my time they burn my body so I can escape to the stars.

This is beautiful. Reminds me of "Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep" by Mary Elizabeth Fry. I like how you are loose with the meter; some lines contain more poetic feet than others. This allows the reader to breath, as strict meter can get tiring quickly. One part of the poem really intrigued me: "

>Release the five souls from my garden 

>They were never truly mine 

Makes me feel like there are bodies buried in your backyard. Apart from this enigmatic line, the rest of the poem is straightforward and powerful. Really enjoyed.

When I die, don’t use a casket 

Allow me to suffocate under soil 

Let me lay beneath the rotting roots

Breathing in what I spoil 


When I die, don’t let the sky weep 

Embrace the sun and bask in its shine 

Release the five souls from my garden 

They were never truly mine 


When I die, don’t silence the birds 

Dance to their song with a grin 

Allow them to celebrate my passing 

For they know of my sin 


When I die, don’t hold a funeral 

For honor is not my goal 

But call upon every messenger of God 

Have them pray upon my soul 


When I die, don’t shed a tear 

Instead, forget my name 

Remember me only as what I was 

A beast only death could tame 


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uxos9v/first_love/ia0b3is/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uxvkff/the_difference/ia0bcwe/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

When I Die