Update! "Scared to be Myself"

I have a story for ya.

First of all, original post: Scared to be myself

TL;DR I'm scared to be myself, to talk to people, to defend my opinions.

Today, I usually wouldn't have school. But because of some silly Theater project I have, I still had to go there for a full 6 hours.

Let's go back in time a bit. A few days, I had an important realization: I like talking to people.

Suddenly everything changed. I was always scared to talk to people, and to some degree I still am, but after understanding that it's what I really want, it became much, much easier.

So I went to school today, and already on the way to school I met a girl from my group (I'm the only boy there) and we talked. Then I arrived, it was the first time I brought my Derpy messenger bag to school. Someone noticed, a few laughs were had, and then all was good. I didn't even have to explain anything!

Later, after a few hours, we had a break, and one of the girls offered me to come with a few of them to the supermarket (carification: she's taken and I have no interest in her, neither in the others, it's just casual friendship). I agreed, so we drove over there. We had fun and all, and we all came back late.

I was having so much fun even while the project, just really being me, silly and open. ("Look! A pink pillow!" grabs and hugs pillow "It's pink! And a pillow!"). At his point a huge shoutout to raocow, whose videos not only kept me sane while having a stressful time, he also taught me how to be silly without acting like a total retard. :3 Cat planet cat planet cat.

We somehow ended up talking about Portal 2 and Valve (fortunately for me one of them was a gamer girl, this helps me to start a conversation), we talked about pokemon, sung a few intros, talked about my pokemon pillow and plushies, sung the sailor moon intro, it was just crazy. I didn't know I could have so much fun with them. Guess not all of my class mates are scumbags (still a pretty big part of them, though).

When the 6 hours were over finally (not that 6 hours are much for school terms, but it's insanely much if you know that 90% of your school has a day off now... sigh), it rained like hell. (Does it even rain in hell? Guess not, or all the lava would turn into obsidian. Anyway.) And then the girl with the car even offered me (and another one from my town) to drive me home! Of course I was insanely grateful, and very proud that I actually managed to go with them somewhere twice, whereas only a week ago, I didn't even manage to talk to them.

In conclusion: Never underestimate the power of your own mind. Especially not that of your will. I just had to realize I WANT to talk to them, and I could. I'm still at the very start, and I don't know how I'll do outside the homely 9-people group of the theater project thing, but I'm already doing mountain leaps.

I never could have done this alone, I have to thanks so many people!

Thanks to Evil Toaster, FinalFlutter, Dragon1260, InsomniacPony, Shadow, RDJ, Pyrobug0, Criiimssoooon :3, ColaEuphoria*, and many, many more (so I probably forgot someone, sorry!) for making me realize this and keeping supporting me even through the worst times. I will add people I forgot. You're the best and all deserve a mighty hug!

Also, a small update to my other Everyone's better than me, at everything post: I found out that I just was really burned out. Of SMNC that is. I played this game 10h a day for 2 weeks. It was driving me crazy and really caused me a lot of stress, but I didn't track the stress back to the game so I tried playing it to get my mind off the stress. You can imagine the rest. I decided to take a break from this game until the next rule change, that is on friday. I also won't play it as excessively anymore, and won't use it as stress reliever as competitive games don't really do well for that.

I managed to draw again, and I'm really happy with the results!

The thing is, I'm finally on my way to become myself. Don't give up, because you are awesome. The next step is to accept, that maybe I am too. Maybe.

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Edit: Also I want to give props to [this video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhjk5x54bsE9, it's the most amazing video ever made, and got me into the most amazing electronic artist ever. This exact song kept me going for the past few days. Make sure to check it out.

* = Edit