Source
r/OCPoetry•
Afoolfortheeons

I'm Doing It!

Poem

I'm actually accomplishing my dreams!

I think I'm coming apart at the seams…

Everyday I write just a little bit more,

But to you, this is what I must implore:

Success is not like winning the lottery.

Think instead of the ancient art of pottery;

The wheel moves at a reasonable pace,

And if your two deft hands try to race

The end goal, you'll wind up with a mess.

No, success is like an essay for a test.

Write too fast and you'll have to edit;

A steady rate is what's needed to finish it

With all your ideas where they need to be.

I don't know how or why before I didn't see.

Every event was a sprint, so I ran fast;

Any slower I thought and I would be last.

But, life is a marathon where you put one

Foot in front of the other until you are done.

No need to force it, just go the right speed.

Soon enough, you've completed your deed.

Whatever tasks you want to accomplish,

Before you will inevitably come to vanish,

You can do with just a little bit of patience,

Which also does not mean complacence.

As it is in following the path of the middle way

That allows your hard work to feel like play.

This is what I've learned over the years

And I'm giving it to you so that you may steer

Towards your dreams as well. Plant a seed,

Water it, watch it grow. That's all you need

To be fruitful in your labor. This I swear by

As it is what is allowing me to freely fly.

Critique One

Critique Two 

Posted Jun 13, 2022, 4:56 PM UTC

36
RoweDeeDoe•

I liked this a lot and can definitely relate to it.

It makes for a good check list to comeback to on the possible tougher days ahead and a reminder of how to get through them! Good job!

2
Delta842•

Very good poem. Simple, but in the best way. Your metaphors landed very well and all tied into the main theme, which was a good lesson, relatable, and not overly complicated. Your rhyme scheme definitely added to that delicate simplicity with the AABB form.

2
HyerMind•

I was led here for a reason. Thank you for your lesson.

2
AfoolfortheeonsOP•

You're very welcome. I write to teach and help others find the inspiration to keep on swimming. Thank you for your kind message.

1
whyamIonly5fttall•

This was really lovely, I enjoyed this little story so much what an uplifting and positive thing to read where so much poetry is sopping sad. I really like this but I think some lines could lose a word or two for example “I don’t know how or why before I didn’t see” I feel like before doesn’t need to be there and it would flow better. Sort of like that, but it’s really your preference in the end and it’s just how I read it maybe. I like it a lot regardless, and hope you right more lovely little passages for us : ~ }

2
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1