Oh I love that it's about a song even more! I love celebrating strong sensory experiences

Thank you! For sure I think i could explain more details, specifically the cosmos line. This poem however isnt about my lover but about a song lol. I am glad you like it

Oooh I like a lot of things about this! first off, those final lines slap: "And build a multiverse of beauty/Upon your climax" has such a soft, lilting sound to it. I'm loving this poem's habit of undulating praise, kind of reminds me of older poems which elevate their lover to profound heights

One critique is that I wish this poem was grounded in more physical detail! I know that having these grand abstractions comparing your lover to the majestic cosmos is kind of the point, but I think that readers are really hooked in by specific detail and that having more detail could elevate the poem. For example, what does the cosmos look like when it undresses itself? What does it specifically feel like when you hear her voice?

Great work btw!

I love the way you compare this love to the universe, it makes the poem theatrical, grandiose.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

  

My ears have quenched their

Thirst from your melody's fountain many times,

Yet they insist upon another sip

From that enchanted cup,

My heartstrings resonate

At the pleasure of your echo,

While the cannon of ecstasy blasts my wits

Into a frenzy,

And the cosmos undresses itself

Before my very eyes to the rhythm

Of your tune,

Oh Coloratura make me high

As the arc of the stratosphere,

Let the vastness of the universe

Reveal itself in each of your notes

And build a multiverse of beauty

Upon your climax 

&amp;#x200B;

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vmkc3i/the\_thing\_that\_grows\_in\_the\_dark/ie1iqs1/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vmkc3i/the_thing_that_grows_in_the_dark/ie1iqs1/?context=3)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vmdfjt/ennui/ie1gm0s/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vmdfjt/ennui/ie1gm0s/?context=3)

Coloratura (Coldplay)