This is actually years older than that one. And that one Is actually a few years old too hahaha. Just different points in time. This was during an intensely emotional time. Which tends to pull out the words in me. 

But thank you! I make a point to experiment with different ways of approaching the feelings. 

Most of what I'll post the next few times are at least a few years old. Because I never had the opportunity to share them in a community of writers

The biggest difference in the 2 poems I think was where i was at emotionally though. Anyway it's really great to post in a place where everyone cares about writing and wants to help eachother be the best the they can be instead of posting on like fb and people's poems not getting any attention

I can actually see a big progress from this poem you posted now to the first you posted, the one about the rain metaphor. We all grow as writers and sometimes what we thought was great eventually becomes the object of our disappointment. You have gotten better for sure

I actually posted this because of what you said about the last poem I gave you feedback on! This is probably 8 years old. And when I wrote it, it was a big change in style for me at the time. I was so proud and so pleased with it and now all this time later. I'm very disillusioned with it.

This poem does a good job at depicting the state of vulnerability the writer is currently feeling, it begins with the request of exploitation and proceeds with a list of other things that are exploitative. You did well in reflecting this state of fragility, well done

>I only am because I thought you'd love it.

I love the way this line ties the piece together.

I liked the fast-paced flow of this poem, it does a good job at keeping the reader's attention.

I could feel the vulnerability in your words, they almost beg to be acknowledged. 

Thanks for sharing.

I’m glad you started to post poems! I really love the consistent format that this one has and it flows very nicely. It has a bit of an intense feel to it that makes me almost read it faster and faster as I get to the end but then I pause at the line that just says “take me” which gives me a chance to soak in the last line. There’s a lot going on here that a reader can try to unpack and it’s left a bit mysterious what the circumstances of the relationship are, but that bit of mystery and almost fear and maybe even some anger give the poem a dark feeling that’s very intense. Nice work this is amazing!

Ooh, man this really got to me. You capture the narrator’s desperation very well, and I absolutely love your word choice. I also like that you went with general rhymes instead of strict ones, not restricting your vocabulary on this particular poem serves it very well. This is a very well captured depiction of unhealthy attachment, and I adore it

“I only am because I thought you’d love it” wow. That is something. That made me feel things. 

It reminds me of “we only accept the love we think we deserve” I love this.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

I love the intensity and vulnerability that this poem displays! The way you're able to capture a different emotion or desire so succinctly in each line resonated with me and made for a captivating read in a relatively short poem. Its also really impressive to me how you're able to use a pretty simple rhyme scheme so effectively. This might just be me, but I find it quite difficult to write interesting poems using a rhyme scheme like how you did. Thanks for sharing!

This poems speaks as one would think but never say to someone. It's what you expect them to figure out on their own but they never manage. The words of someone who has taken a leap of faith towards something and slowly feeling fate play against them.

Exploit me, I am a naked state of panic. 

Sedate me, I am pacing through the damage.

Incubate me, I am choking on each promise.  

Hate me, atleast that would be honest. 

Belive me, I am shedding the sheep's clothing.

Leave me, with a body not worth holding.

Something woke me, but no signs of movement 

Dose me, I can't face you if I'm lucid 

Stop me, I am so fucking needy

Want me, I am so fucking greedy

See me, now I'm everything I ever wasn't 

Take me 

I only am because I thought you'd love it.             



https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vro42z/coffeeflavored_eyes/iexpd6i?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vrp9ln/erikas_elegy/iexot1x?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3

Because I Thought You'd Love It