no title, wrote this about a crush to cope

I like the idea of your poem, but I think you could improve it by making it a bit more intense. As I read it the first stanza serves to show that you were in love with someone, but were it just the eyes and smile that you were taking in or was there perhaps something more unique - something that made him him - that you ‘memorized before you left’? Something very specific creates intimacy, and would introduce the theme of obsession early on.

• One side memories: what do you intend to say exactly? He might have memories of you as well.

• “Quiet exclamatians... in reach”: I’m not very sure about the effect of this stanza. To me it shows the doubts you had during your time together. Him sitting across the room gives me the idea that you desire him to be closer, but being bored gives me the idea that you’re not really interested in him anymore.

• “and when... to you”: I like this part. The intimate act of touching someone’s back and the desire to be close to you. But what did you feel exactly. A little imperfection on the body that you’d started to love because it was his or something like that.

• “but I... for two”: I like the vulnerability shown in this part, and it brings your poem to a natural conclusion. It also creates a contrast. You saw every detail of him, but did he even notice you did? Did he notice you?

Thanks for sharing your poem and good luck with creating more in the future!

wow! just wow. i’m amazed at your descriptive skills, i can see him as you describe him. i like it a lot 👍

Bravo! 👏

You are good at expressing yourself in your writing. Great read and the descriptive words chosen we're perfect. Title.... 🤔 maybe “Obsession for Two” or “One Sided Memories” this is your memory of how you felt.

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This was really nice!

Can really feel the tension in this. Even as you're leaving, you still want that intimacy. The contrast between boredom/exhaustion yet continuing on anyway adds to that even more. The ending has a nice punch to it as well.

Well written! Sounds like he is not good enough for you anyways :P