This poem seems to be dancing around its own subject matter to a degree that the things I like about this poem--the last two lines, for instance, or the image of dogs running through an orchard--become somewhat moot. This is best encapsulated in stanza four: to the line "I know you saw much more than I" I can only ask, what did they see? Why could they see more? To the line "And it's now lost to me" I can only ask, *what* has been lost? To the line "I'll never know that power again," I can only ask, *what* power? Against the backdrop of those vague gestures, "Or climb another tree" becomes something of a non sequitur.

The problem may stem from the fantastical language--the mage's robe, mighty staff, wings, goblins, Fairy King. Placing the poem adjacent to such fairy tale language is a bit of a risk as your poem then takes on that air of frivolity. It's up to you to decide if you want that and, if so, how you can take advantage of it for some specific purpose. The rhyme is doing much t


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

Glowing dogs ran through the orchard  
Eager for the fight  
You watched them from the chestnut tree  
Within the fading light

Your nightgown was a mage’s robe,  
Your twig a mighty staff  
The dusk had given wings to you  
and goblins made you laugh

You chased the dogs with feet of steel  
and hid under the bushes  
you bargained with the Fairy King  
and knew it wouldn't last

I know you saw much more than I  
And it’s now lost to me  
I’ll never know that power again  
Or climb another tree

And now I know much more than you  
And cannot hold the past  
but the walls are still as high  
and the dogs are still as fast.

&amp;#x200B;

I'm not sure if I copied the feedback links correctly, but these are (hopefully) the links to my most recent comments.

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vtin97/comment/if9t2el/?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=web2x&amp;context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vtin97/comment/if9t2el/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vtmw14/comment/ifa2pse/?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=web2x&amp;context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vtmw14/comment/ifa2pse/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

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