It's always great seeing how people interpret my writing since it helps me understand what can get lost in translation from what I imagine in my mind to what's actually written on the page. The ring imagery here was actually inspired by the ring in LOTR, forged in the fires of Mordor. Except of course, the ring in the poem isn't evil lol. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for your feedback!

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P.S. I definitely had the most fun writing the water stanza.

I’m still trying to get used to the whole system on Reddit and can’t find how to make a new comment, so I’m replying to yours. I enjoyed your poem thoroughly. However, I must admit, I might be missing something with the forged ring. I assume it to be the wedding band, but it just sounded a little strange to have the ring forged in her, although she was a fire. At first I was also a bit confused with the ordering of the stanzas, but after some reviewing I decided that the air stanza made sense where it is, since time is fleeting and I thought that was referring to the rest of her life. Additionally, I love the relation of her to nature, what a wonderful way to portray a woman. 

P.S. My favorite was the water stanza. :)

Regarding the awkward rhythm, I did make it different intentionally but I wasn't really sure how people would react to it since it's perhaps a bit too irregular. Thank you for your feedback!

This is really tender and touching thank you so much for sharing it. I really like that "she" is always in past tense whereas the "I" is in the present it makes perfect sense when you reach the end of the poem. I also appreciate the theme of the earth and nature here, it works really well with the subject. The rhythm maybe isn't my favourite, at least in the way that I was reading it, some lines didn't feel like they flowed as well as others and the sudden introduction of the numbers when everything else had seemed so organic felt a little jarring to me.  I liked this one a lot otherwise

I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for your feedback!

I totally agree on the elements part, like how she was versatile and she came into your life in many forms, but she was there like you were for her. I felt the change in temperature when she changed in her state and it made me experience that this character was fleshed out. I liked the ending but I also thought it was abrupt, but maybe that is one way to put that we may not be prepared for quick and painless endings for those who are living.

This is beautiful. The use of all four elements, sparked by lightning, to signify love - yes. Well done. I really enjoy that she is all the elements, and he is both a lover and a son. The ending is abrupt and makes me want something a bit softer, but perhaps that's part of the point.

Yeah, as I commented earlier, I did make the flow kinda weird in order to preserve certain elements in the poem (pun may or may not be intended lol) but I'm learning how people react to it and I wanna see if I can resolve both with a future edit of this poem or in another future work. Glad you enjoyed it and thank you for your feedback!


Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc."

"Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase. 

[Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera)

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I’m pleased to know you were able to connect. Thank you for your feedback!

very nice consistent structure. I liked the progression, and how i was able to connect and interpret. lightning, can stop a heart, can start a heart, progression of fire, to candlelgiht, to inferno, to a massive star, ect. doing this all with an underlying concept. a little meloncholy tale, nice little read


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

The specifics and comparisons are top tier

first  
she was lightning  
sparks flew  
heartstopper  
heartstarter  
she struck once, twice, thrice  
i ask for her hand    

soon  
she was fire  
graceful candlelight  
a triumphant inferno  
the white star at the altar  
i forged my ring in her  
i carry her to our bed    

then  
she was water  
she broke  
and he broke  
into the world 11:22 am  
3,350 grams  
i cry waterfalls with her    

after time  
she was air  
oxygen tank  
strong and fleeting  
eye of the hurricane  
she blows me kisses  
i breathe her in    

finally  
she was earth  
like Mother  
like my whole world  
legs quake as i walk  
i will be with her soon  
i kiss the ring we forged  

feedback: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/w43xu4/comment/ih06oho/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/w43021/comment/ih09ff8/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3

She